(Trigger Warning: Suicide, Depression) My Boyfriend Is Suicidal

Hey y'all,

This is my first post on this website in probably two years, woah. So hello again, Mibba community! I hope you're all doing splendidly and enjoying the fall season.

Now, let's get down to business, shall we?

(Again, this entry will be dealing with triggering topics such as suicide, depression, and other mental illnesses.)

My boyfriend is extremely suicidal and depressed. Just recently he's opened up and talked in great detail exactly what he is experiencing with his depression, after about 8 months of us dating. I'm so thankful he is comfortable to talk to me about these things now, I know he had mental health issues (last winter there was a very real scare that he made an attempt on his life- he didn't, thankfully; he was taken to the hospital before he could try anything) and I've told him during our whole time being in a relationship that if he ever needed support, I would always be around and willing to listen and help and comfort in any way possible. Finally, he has taken up my offer.

I'm going into light specifics of what he told me because he will remain anonymous- if anything I'll refer to him as J- and I won't be as detailed as he was for privacy, however I need you to see the gravity of his condition right now in order to advise me.

J told me that every single day, and countless times during that day, he will just have vivid daydreams of killing himself. If he's in school, or at class, or playing video games, his mind will always go back to "Wow, I want to jump off a bridge right now. I'm even going to imagine how it would look, like a vision." He wants to die so, so badly. He hates himself so incredibly much. And he wants to drop out of school and just work, but his mother won't let that happen, so he feels trapped and is spiraling downhill faster and faster every minute.

After he confided in me, which was maybe two weeks ago, I've helped him get through a handful of breakdowns. They're happening more often as the days go on, too. Every time I just hold him and provide loving, physical comfort, and I try to tell him how important he is not just to me, but to everyone that he knows. I tell him he has so much to offer and bring into this world, and in the event that he does off himself, the world would be void of the amazing creativity and brilliance that he contains. I tell him how strong he is for continuing on despite wanting to give up so much, and how that is the hardest fight anyone could experience.

In the moment, it seems to help calm him down. I'm still extremely concerned, though. His breakdowns/panic/anxiety attacks are happening closer together, time wise. He's getting worse. I'm worried that in time, my words and actions of support and love won't be enough, and he'll make an attempt.

Is there anything more I can do to help him?

I know I could help him get a doctor, but I feel like I would be a hypocrite because I personally have many issues and NEED to get help asap, but I'm not- I'm scared of change and recover, because I've been f*cked up for so long, it's all I know. I don't want to possibly offend him that way.

I just love him so much, I don't want to lose him yet, or lose him from suicide.
November 20th, 2016 at 11:21am