Falling Away...

My flight to Rio will leave at 9:45pm from Houston and I can't wait. Only because i need this change of scenery . It'll be good for me. It's getting colder now, which is not a bad thing but it reminds me of sad things because it's so dreary. Rio is warm and sunny now so if that won't brighten my spirits I don't know what will.

I slept relatively well last night but that was drug induced since my dad gave me some painkillers for my sore muscles...at least i slept through the night...well, through most of it. I decided to pull up Bob's Burgers on Netflix and let it play while i drifted off rather than the music that i had been listening to before. I mean, the music was instrumental and was amazing but sometimes my mind used to wander onto happier times and then onto sad times and then I would feel sad and end up crying or something. My mind still wanders but not as much as it usually does so i guess Bob's Burgers helps.

I left his jacket in my dorm...the day that we had called it quits, or put us on pause, or whatever this is supposed to be, I told him that i was going to take his jacket with me to Rio and that I would send him pictures of all the different places his jacket would be going while I was there. But the day before I had to leave campus, I decided that I would leave his jacket in the closet. Somehow, it didn't feel right taking it with me. That, and I haven't actually heard from him in about 10 days since he called me to discuss our history paper..go figure.... So, his jacket remains in the closet and when I get back to campus I plan to text him to collect it. If it's over then i need it to be gone because aside from the hurt, heartbreak and sadness, any physical trace needs to go too. I want to start a new year clean and free and without the drama of him and I.

I'm planning to get back into working out. Focusing my frustration there and working it out rather than drinking or eating or both. A friend of mine told me that if I start working out again, things will start looking up and you know what, before i met this guy that left my heart in pieces, i was working out, eating right, taking care of myself...and i slacked off when we started seeing each other. I need to get back to where I was and it won't be hard because the motivation is there.

I can do this...I just need to let the pain fall away...