Life Is Tough

The business
In my last blog I explained how Ive started a hybrid business, however its hard work. Trying to fit it in with my life alongside University - especially this upcoming semester will be the biggest obstacle ive ever faced. Im breaking even, which if you offered me at the start, Id have probably snapped your hand off - I can see why SO many new businesses fail, its really hard.
I worry and I stress over whether I will make this into a big success, and I know what I need to do and what needs to be done, however doing this at the current time is impossible for a number of reasons.
If I try to market myself to mass market now then this will become too big to handle alongside arguably the most important 6 months of study of my entire life.... The business almost NEEDS to remain at a break even point until after Ive finished my education, otherwise it could become too busy and overrun my studies.
The last couple of weeks have been a bit dead for myself, with no uni work and the run up to christmas Im losing motivation, Im sleeping more than I ever have before.
Part of me wants to get a job on the side, but I know that if I did get a job of say 12-18 hours, then adding that to Uni and the business would be way too much, so for now, life can either be too little which it currently is - or too much, which I dont want it to be.

Its really hard.

Uni
Uni is easy, this semester hasnt been too hard - studying for my exams start today and Im not very confident. 2nd semester will be hard, and Im worried about that, but Im confident that I can come out of University with a 2:1 or 2:2, either of which, considering where Ive come from is something that I probably wouldnt believe would ever happen to me. If I get a first then I will probably cry a lot in disbelief.

Worrying and Stress
Do I worry? You could say so, Im a worry pot, I stress a lot too. I dont let anybody in to my life at the moment in fear that if I do then everything im building will kind of slow down, you know? Im very fixated on what I want to achieve and where I want to take this, but I worry and stress over fear of failure. Its a weird worry though, because deep inside me I have something telling me that I am going to achieve everything I want to, and that one day I will be able to do anything and have anything in the world - I dont know why, its a weird belief, its almost faith you may argue.
It keeps me going, if I didnt have belief I wouldnt do it, its a great theory and topic to think about - everyone is doing what they are in the world of today because they believe its what is best for them.
Im doing this because I believe in the long term it could prove to be very prosperous for myself and my family if my dreams are matched with taking up my own entire business model and moving it around to different locations.
Money is the biggest obstacle, if I was given £1 million I have no doubt in my mind I could turn that into 3/4x that amount given time. I believe also one day money will appear from somewhere, but Im not too sure where from, and I believe when that does happen then thats when my life and career will really begin and I will become extremely successful.
I think at the moment everything is how it is supposed to be, Im not making money, but I am learning so much - about people, about business, about managing, about myself, I am growing every single day to become a better person - and when the time is right, I feel fate will drop something infront of me to say there you go, here is what you need, now its up to you to go and do it.

Im a very spiritual guy, and I believe that everything happens for a reason.

I have both faith and belief in what I am doing, but I also have a plan, everyone needs some sort of plan of where they want to be in X amount of years, its weird, Ive ALWAYS had a plan, if I dont have a plan, then I will think about it over a certain amount of time, almost like building a sandcastle every so often - the sandcastle being your plan.
My plan is pretty simple, I plan on getting a graduate job once I graduate, and very possibly moving out with my friend Andrew, not because I have to - but because I feel I need to stop being a burden on my Mum and Step Dad, if I was them I would want me out the house as soon as I graduate, but I know both of them love me to bits and wouldnt care one bit if I didnt move out until I was fully ready.
I will keep the business on the side no doubt, and I feel for 2/3 years I will be working almost non stop and it will be at times impossible, but Ive experienced many lows and highs and feel 2/3 years is alright, especially if the future is what I plan it to be.
Once I have the money, I will go off and make the business a full time thing, building it up into the reality of ideology that I believe it can be - then taking it to different locations.

The dream is then obviously America, a boy can dream, it would be nice.

Money
Its tight at the moment, I have plenty of it, but I live within my means you know? I dont go out and spend lots of money because I dont have lots of money coming in, I rely on my student loan AKA free money, which is more than enough to live off and even save on a monthly basis, but I live by having a balance of extreme work then having extreme fun, its a good mix to have and its the foundations upon which success is built.
Im proud of myself because everything Ive done has been all me, I have had NO help at all, people wont believe that ofcourse, but everything has been me - Ive had no financial help from anybody, Ive saved a lot of money from previous jobs and constantly find ways to build.
I could never work and abide by somebody elses rules for my entire life because honestly I think im too obnoxious for that, sadly, I think my way is the best way, which is arguably true at times.

If someone says something to me and tells me to do it, I will either agree or disagree - however if I disagree I will then get p*ssed off massively, and I couldnt live like that, life is more than that.
Life is there to dream, to try and achieve your dreams.
Imagine being in a job, working 9-5 your whole life only to retire and bum around.
Imagine being bought into a wealthy family and have everything handed to you on a plate by your parents.
Imagine living the easy life?

Now imagine starting from nowhere, having no help, building this dream and ambition up in your mind and slowly, very slowly, start to achieve it. If I achieve what I dream of, then it will be massive - everything that Ive done so far has somewhat been a success, so I see no reason why I should stop believing that what I am doing is the wrong thing to do.

Im fully aware of the hard work that needs to be done to build, especially mixing a graduate job in with the business for a couple of years.
But I am excited for what the future may bring, just at the moment, for someone like me who is entirely motivated by the monetary side of life - its extremely frustrating when there is nothing like that currently, but more of a learning curve.

xxx