"You Are Beautiful But..."

Hello, everyone!

I don't know how to write proper introduction for this topic. I'd been holding off from writing my thought about this for so long because every time I tried to word it out, it just wouldn't come out right. So I guess I'll just go right in.

As shallow as this sounds, this blog is going to be solely about physical appearance. I know people will say that looks don't matter, what's important is what's inside. I know that already, I do. But I do have to address this issue because it is important to me.

All my life, I've never felt enough.

That is a fact.

I was born with darker skin. I grew up hearing people say things like "you are darker than you sister" or "you got you dad's gene" or "this color doesn't suit you. It makes you look darker" or "I think you are beautiful but you are a bit dark".

And because of this, I grew up with the mindset that I am never gonna be pretty enough until I get fairer complexion. At the age of 10, I asked my mom, "mom, why am I not as pretty as the other girls?" At the age of 10, I asked my mom, "mom, why can't a princess be dark-skinned? Why are they always light-skinned?"

At that time, I didn't realize how... toxic that kind of mentality was for me. I didn't realize that until recently. How sad was it that a 10 year old would think that they'd never be special because of the color of their skin. And how sad was it, a 10 year old was discriminated by other kids from her own race just because she had slightly darker skin tone?

I don't want to go further into my own train of thoughts here because sometimes, even I find it difficult to decipher what my brain is trying to tell me. What I can say it, I'm just so sick of it.

Over here, there are a lot of products sold with the promise to make the skin lighter. And those products contain mercury and I don't think I need to explain this further. The sad fact is, so many people are buying these products too. Even though there are so many news that come out about the bad effects of using those. And those women who fell into the trap aren't even that dark. I swear some of them are just slightly tanned.

I repeatedly have people saying right in front of my face, "if you have lighter skin, I'm sure you'll be really beautiful." Why is that a relevant thing to say to someone, I have no idea.

The other thing that people keep saying to me is, "I think you're really cute. It's just that you're fat."

AND that is another can of worms that I just don't wanna bother to open.

I'm sick of all this.

I am beautiful. Full stop. No more buts for me.

xxLina