Last night I made up an indoors date night for me and my boyfriend. Neither of us have had a lot of money since I quit my job in September, so dates have become few and far in between and we've had to get creative. So last night I decided to make up Curry Chicken with Jasmine rice and set the dining room table up resteraunt style-- including a "pitcher" of ice water (my pitcher was actually a recycled glass of alfredo sauce) some candles, and bread. So he came home and was surprised, then surprised me by getting dressed up in a shirt and tie, so then I dressed up. It was very cute. But then we had to sit down and discuss how our finances looked for this year.
Ah, money. The horrible nucleus in our world. The one thing we all unfortunately need to live.
Deep down, he's resented me for giving up my old job. At my old job I was set. I had full health benefits. I was given a raise and was going to be promoted to management this month. But dude, it was tearing me up inside. I would wake up in the middle of the night in a massive panic thinking I had finished something and someone was going to yell at me. I've become a different person, one more cold-hearted than I ever thought was possible. It wasn't doing my anxiety any favors, and it sure wasn't helping my depression. There was massive problems in the workplace that I was meeting with my store manager and district about for two months prior and whenever I fought for my coworkers they told me I was being another self-entitled millenial who makes so much demands but doesn't put in the effort. Yeah, because I wasn't the backbone of the place. I quit. And the day I quit they actually shut down early. Because I was 1 of 2 workers that were going to come in that day. They've asked me countless times if I would like to come back, but I'm not. I know it's not worth it.
I got a job soon after that at a clothing store. Then a part-time online one. Then I sold some writing here and there. And now finally I got another part-time job that I'm hoping will become full-time, but it still pays less than what I was making. We're barely scraping by now. And he blames me for it. He keeps egging me on to find something else, to get a part time job, something. That he didn't think I couldn't handle my job when we first moved in together. That goes unspoken; that he might have never moved in with me if he knew I was going to quit 9 months down the road.
But here's the thing. He's always had more spending power than me. Even when he made less, because my bills alone- my car payment, my insurance, credit card, and phone, make up almost $500 a month. He has his insurance. And even now I tell him that I could cover all of the small bills- the electric, trash, groceries, internet, and oil- it's not good enough unless I'm paying my part of rent on top of it. It's like, where's the disconnect coming from? I sat down one day and realized that he should still have about $300 left over at the end of the month...me, if I don't have to pay rent, is $60. If I only pay rent and my bills, I'm about -$180 each month. The only bill I ask of him is rent. The only bill I've ever asked of from him, except now I want him to pay the full amount instead of just half.
I just don't get it. We're doing fine with what I'm making, but he makes me think we're not because I'm making less than what I was. Sure, we're not comfortably living, but we're getting by. I still want another job, but I like the flexible hours I have now. When I was working 5-6 days a week I didn't have time to see my parents or even read a book really. I just don't know.
To top that off, we made an agreement that I would play "housewife" since I work less now. Me and him have different versions of the meaning "housewife". You are not my child. Put your dirty dishes in the sink. And if I ask him to do simple chores he scoffs at it. I'm asking you to take the trash out because I'm cooking dinner, washing clothes, washing dishes, and cleaning the kitchen all at once.
1.) Do you know any side jobs I can do online?
2.) How's the weather where you live?