I'm Not Ready

It's only sixteen days into 2017 and I'm already over this year.
I have been wanting to post a blog for a few days now, I just haven't gotten around to it.
The day after New Years I found out that a friend of mine, someone that I've known since I was young, committed suicide. It broke my heart because he was one of the sweetest guys - everyone loved him! He was always that person who brightened up the room when they walked in. I had no idea he was hurting. I wish someone did. I wish someone could have saved him.

My grandma was also hospitalized on Thursday and has been in there since. Her heart is continuing to give her problems and it's been irregular for over a week. She's already had multiple open heart surgeries - including a quadruple bypass surgery before I was even born. Yeah, she's a badass. The next step is a pacemaker - another surgery. I'm so nervous. This woman is my life. She also wants me to start getting everything ready for the funeral home, just in case. I'm not ready. It's so hard to even think about her not being here.

So already 2017 has been crazy and I pray nothing else horrible happens and that things only look up from here.