Just a Little Rant About My Life

So for the last few months, possibly last year, my head has been all over the place and I really just wanted to write some of the shit down so it's not constantly being mulled over in my head.

Two thousand and sixteen was probably one of the worst years for me even with everything good happening in my life, I couldn't help but live in this dark space that I couldn't seem to escape from long enough to find myself again.

A few things to point out:
1. My sister who is second oldest (myself being the oldest (and yes that sucks)), admitted to not liking me at all, could she tell me why within good reason? No, there was no straight up answer.
2. There are a lot more family issues than I can handle, but I continue to try and it's just failing.
3. I'm slowly - if not already - have lost myself to everything around me.
4. I'm not sure if I can get myself back.
5. I'm losing another person every year that passes, whether it be a really close friend or others I do know, it's happening every year.
and,
6. I've lost my happy place.

I used to have a happy place, you know, the place where even in your own mind you could be simply happy.

I'm used to having someone, if anyone stand up for me, but lately I'm defending myself and it's falling on deaf ears.

Maybe I am depressed, maybe I do have anxiety that is starting to kick in, maybe I just need to distant myself from everyone and learn to be alone again, even though that is what I do regardless.

But what I do know for sure is that there is a dark cloud hanging over me, and i'm hoping that it does disappear sometime soon before...I just...disappear.

O v e r a n d o u t;