No Title

Some moments really have a way of making you feel shit about yourself.

I actually have room in my 4 year plan for 3 majors (and I can still graduate a semester early actually), but I decided I'll just get the Environmental Studies certificate/minor instead. My friend asked why and I said it leaves room for a fun elective or two and then I can study abroad with no worries. She told me she's paying too much money for classes that "won't benefit her future". I told her she can still gain valuable life experience with a fun elective and studying abroad. And by fun elective, I don't mean "Take this class about Pokemon!" I mean classes about heritage or social life as well. An intro to psychology class could be your fun elective. But she said, "I'm paying such-and-such at this school. I'm not tryna mess around. I wanna get my degree and work hard. This is my goal. It would be cool to study abroad too but I'm not gonna waste my time to mess around."

It obviously wasn't her goal to make me feel bad about wanting to study abroad and to take a fun class my senior year but my mental state has been such a mess lately that I turn everything into something that's more negative than it really is. My brain automatically told me that my friend thinks I'm wasting time and money with a fun elective and wanting to go to Australia or New Zealand for a semester when in reality, she probably doesn't think this at all. You won't be wasting time studying abroad. You can still get the required experience you need. You can take at least one fun elective. Not everything has to be so serious. She was the one who told me to take a music class last semester. It had nothing to do with my major or what I want to do in life, but she told me to take it so I had at least one fun class.

She's been making me feel bad about everything I've been doing lately, but I don't know if it's all in my head or not. My brain has been manipulating a lot of situations lately. I overthink everything and panic because I think I did something terribly wrong but actually, I probably didn't and whatever happened is mild. Like the logical side of me knows nothing is wrong but then the other side of me overthinks and thinks everything is worse than it really is. My roommate is trying to get me to go see the school's psychologist. These negative thoughts aren't anything new and I have intrusive thoughts that make my roommate wonder about stuff. Even today I couldn't focus in my classes at all. I retained no information all throughout all 4 classes.

But whatever. I don't really know what the point of this blog is.
January 27th, 2017 at 07:07am