This last week has been hard for me. I've been in bed & I've been crying a lot and it's because I'm grieving. My whole life I shared my birthday with two people: my twin sister and my Pa. My Pa was the most wonderful man in the world, and the only person who I truly felt loved by when he looked at me. My Pa called me his Smiley and he made the world worth sticking around in, and every birthday, blowing the candles out with him was what made it special.
My Pa is dead. He has been dead for a year and a half. I do not want a birthday anymore. I hate this day. I can't stop crying right now and it's only 1:30am. I don't know how to live without him. I don't know how to accept that I'll never see his face again. I love him so damn much and I just can't do this day. It means nothing without him beside me and nobody gets that. He was wonderful. He deserves to be here more than I do. I'm so overwhelmed by how much I love and miss him that I haven't been sleeping and I haven't been able to talk to my friends and family.
I hate my birthday. I hate it. The only thing I really want is to hear his voice and hold his hand.
I don't know how to do this. I want my Pa back. I can't do this.
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