That Pesky Little "V-Card"

I've been wanting to write a blog like this for a little while, now, just to share my experiences with sex, so obviously, this will probably be a little bit of mature content.

I, like many other females, grew up believing that virginity was a real thing, that during my first time, my "cherry" would be "popped" and that after that, there was no going back. Life would be completely different once that happened.

I didn't grow up in a household where sex was talked about. Ever. My mom has always been very shy about it and my dad would never in his right mind raise a subject like that to me. So, I did a lot of my learning through TV and reading. My best friend's mom wasn't so shy, so every once in a while she would have little talks with us about it.

Somewhere in my adolescence, I lost that idea about my first time being special. By no means did I want it to be a drunken one night stand or anything, but I also couldn't imagine myself being with a guy for a long time and waiting for the perfect night where he would lay me down on a bed of rose petals with Sade playing in the background. I figured that it would be a little awkward, that I would be a little awkward, and I was correct.

Shortly before my 18th birthday, I texted a good friend of mine and basically propositioned him. I had recently gone through a break up with a boy that I had really liked and I believed that this would help me get over him. So, after hanging out with a couple of friends after school, he came over. Neither of my parents were home. We went into what was at the time the guest bedroom. He was stoned. He didn't really prepare me very well and he didn't last long. Maybe five minutes, if I remember correctly.

I remember it being very uncomfortable. He wasn't the smallest guy, but what he had in length, he lacked in girth. Not necessarily a good thing. He didn't stay for a movie or food or anything like that. It was an awkward goodbye. I can't remember if I spoke to him the next day or if it was a few weeks afterward.

So, it wasn't special at all. I basically just picked a friend I trusted (who I knew wanted to sleep with me) and went from there and while it wasn't great, it made me feel a little empowered. Not exactly "grown up", but like I had taken care of a problem I had been dealing with.

It was a while before I had sex with someone else and when I finally did, it was much better and way more comfortable.

My particular pattern of sex is that it never really means that much to me. It took me years to finally have sex with someone I was actually dating and even then, we had done it before we officially got together. I'm just not the type to wait. I usually want to take a "test drive" before committing to anything. And I don't think there's anything wrong with that. I did go nearly a year having sex with just my ex-boyfriend and that was great, too. I enjoyed being able to do that with commitment attached. It definitely feels different.

But I don't think it's a necessity.

I don't go around sleeping with any guy I see, but even if I did, I shouldn't be judged for it. I believe that anyone can do anything that they want with their bodies as long as it's consensual. I've had sex with a couple of guys I've barely known and I've had sex with people I've known for years. I have with an old middle school crush. I have with a man much older than me. I have with a good friend's ex. I even have with a couple of girls.

And that's not me trying to brag or flaunt any of it. It's just me stating examples because most of the time, it's fun and even if it isn't, it's a learning experience. I've never had sex without wanting it and I've never coerced anyone into having it with me.

All of that being said, timing has something to do with it all. If you're not ready for it, don't do it. It's as simple as that. If you're with someone who's pressuring you into it, then they don't respect you very much. I know it's been said a lot, but no means no. There can be consequences. I was lucky enough not to suffer any of them after that first time since we didn't use any form of protection. Not smart.

Really, the entire point of this blog is to maybe give a slightly different view point on things. I know a lot of people from school who waited for a very long time. They found the "right person" to share the experience with which is great. But I've never been a patient person, and I don't see anything wrong with that.

Anyway, I wanted this to be a little more thought out and structured, but my thoughts ran away from me about halfway through.