Saying Goodbye

Today was the worst day of my life. I went to work and was having a decent day but towards the end of my shift my family was posting for prayers for my mom who has been battling stage 4 breast cancer that went to the bone and to the liver last year. Two weeks ago we discovered it had gone to her brain when she started having seizures. She went through 15 radiation treatments and it seemed like things might be okay. Friday I had to call an ambulance to take her to the hospital because she was severely dehydrated and too weak to get up. Yesterday I saw her after work and she was sitting up and eating. She even stayed awake and talked to us for a while before resting for the night. Today after the posts went up I waited anxiously for my shift to end and then rushed to the hospital. I hadn't received one call from one person all day so I just assumed she had developed pneumonia as that was something we were told could happen with her being so weak. The news I got was too hard for me to take at that monent. The nurse told us that her body was preparing to shut itself down with the dehydration and letting the fluid stay between the cells and not in the blood vessels. They called it part of the disease process and I knew that meant she was going through the dying process. We had the talk with the nurse and she told us that we needed to let her go and not bring her back if she passed in the next few days. I've taken a week off work to be with her so that I can say my goodbyes and enjoy my last few days having mother daughter time. I don't know how to manage all the pain and anger inside of me and I keep asking two questions. Why my mom? How do I tell the woman who is my entire world that it is okay to go and goodbye?