Does Anyone Ever Feel Like This?

I've had multiple account on Mibba before in middle school, about five years ago. Now that I'm pretty much an adult (sure, we can say that), I wanted to revisit. I remember when I was a pre-teen on this website, talking about harming myself and my addiction. It was pretty gruesome.

I've never really had a problem with depression. I mean, I've never been diagnosed. I don't believe I have depression, but I do have times where I get stuck. Just, stuck. Where I lay in bed for days on end, and I have no motivation to do anything. Anyone else that knows me would say it's due to the Mary-J but that's not it all. I'm not the stereotypical lazy stoner, I actually do things. When I was working six days a week, I felt so good.

I was the most tired I have ever fucking been in my life, but I felt so good. I felt positive and happy, and money didn't hurt. Unfortunately, I went to another job which backfired on me, and then my previous job's establishment went down the toilet. I've been looking for a job within reasonable driving distance for two months now, and I can't find anything. I've applied, and applied. I've talked on the phone, I've done so much shit. I just want a job so I can be busy, and I know I can keep myself busy, but I'm not motivated to GET busy. Does that even make sense?

Once you're going, you're going, y'know? It's like starting a shitty motor, once you got it going it's good. But sometimes it's tricky to get started. It's not hard for me to apply, or go to interviews, it's just hard for me to be motivated to keep looking when I keep getting shot down.

Most places around here allow tattoos and piercings, so it's not that. I'm a hard worker. The only place that's hiring is a grocery store, and I hate working with food, and I hate grocery stores. Where I live, pre-teens and teenagers all work at grocery stores, and employers love them because that means they get to treat them however they want. They know teenagers don't know the laws, and don't know their own rights as an employee. I don't want to fall under that category, I have too much pride.

I'm just in a rut, I guess.

Also! Since I'm back at it, I never really knew the holy craft of making layouts. I've dabbled, but it's truly a suspicious art-form to me. Would anyone be willing to message me and work on some layout ideas with me? I'd appreciate it!