The Final Goodbye

The horrible event that I was trying to prepare for happened Wednesday morning at 1 am. My mom took her last breath and I had to tell her goodbye. I knew she wasn't hurting anymore but I still wanted my mom to be with me. The last few days have been spent with the preparations for her memorial service and just being with family. The emptiness I feel inside of me seems to have no end and I feel like I will never stop crying. Saturday we say our final goodbye and I think that is when it will truly hit me. We all bought a shirt in her memory because the money goes to the cancer center she went to that will help other patients in the form of gas cards so they can get to her treatments. She tried all the treatments from radiation, to pills to chemo and her final days were spent weak and tired. I kept encouraging her to fight and I now wonder if I only prolonged her suffering. The only image I can keep in my mind is how happy she was the day she finished her radiation because of the brain cancer. She actually thought it had worked and she would be feeling better by Sunday. The day after she as put in the hospital and from there she steadily declined. We were told Tuesday afternoon she would last until Wednesday afternoon so I came home to try and rest. I was running on very little sleep. I got the call about five minutes after I laid down to sleep. She wanted to defeat cancer and although it wasn't in the way I wanted it to happen she did defeat the horrible disease and now she is in paradise where she isn't suffering anymore. I can say that now but it doesn't help the emptiness and pain I feel at knowing I will never hear her voice again or be able to hug her. I loved my momma and I don't know how I'm going to live without her. No matter how old you are you will aways need your mommy. Please don't take your mom for granted because when you lose her there is no pain that can compare. You will miss the phone calls, text messages or even Facebook messages. I will be missing all of that and more. I've woken up several times just wanting to tell her about something and last night with my entire family I looked around and realized that she wasn't there. She would have loved everyone being around and would have been the life of the party. Please keep my family in your prayers as we move towards what is going to be a dark and painful day and period in our lives.