My Personal 'Joelene'

I know that my blog posts have always sucked...The last one was a sad tale that I told about my cow that dies. I am still not over her death yet and it has been a year. But so much about my life has remained a secret to this website...and the problem that my blogger account is unable to work. You see after my 17th birthday, I moved out because my mother tried to stop me from being with my boyfriend and the depression of losing my jersey took over. If you read any of my stories on here you will see that a new male character has graced the chapters of my unpublished novels. That would be my boyfriend. I have found that only now, being a whole year later, I am now happy with him...as if I were not happy before? He broke up with me for a few days and ended up flinging with a girl that he considers to be his little sister. They arent related, just to say before that blows up. He ended it, and she is now completely and totally infatuated with him to the point that now that we are back together and finally! and HAPPILY engaged, she wants to torture me. Brian could never block her and I understand that reasoning, they grew up together and they are brother and sister. No matter how crazy she gets, he will always be there for her if she needed help. I am the same with the Cody that all my Cody or Dakota characters are based off from. However, I had loved my brother figure as well, even when he told me we would never be more than brother and sister. And oh! How I tried to tempt him! But this girl has gone as far as pretend they had sex, to make me dread the sound of my loves ringer. When I hear his phone go off, no matter the sound, my body begins to shake and my breathing hitches and stops. She doesn't make me fear her bodily, but emotionally. I fear that she will be there when I make him angry, when I yell at him and slip words into his ear that makes him leave me again. She makes me feel the need to check his phone and facebook so avidly, even tho I know that the only think I will find is her messages about her love for him that he has ignored and changed the subject on. I thought I had a fear of disappointing people until I found that my fear of losing my man to another woman was far greater. It's crazy! I can joke and say I will kill her or beat her senseless and have Brian laugh and say 'No, I won't allow you two to fight. I defiantly don't need to worry about you going to jail!', But I know that deep in my heart I would take that risk...It scares me. Maybe that is why I fear my own 'Jolene'? Because I know that I would act rash in order to keep what is mine. But Brian isn't my property, if he wanted to leave then I can't stop him.