Everything

HEY GUYS.

Have you ever just woken up one day and realized that, even though it didn't happen overnight, everything, fucking everything, has changed?

That's happened to me recently.

I don't know. What can I say? I'm 23 now and even though I only have been for three weeks, I feel like a different human. Has this ever happened to you? Wake up a different person? ...No? ...Just me?

K.

But really though. All the sudden, everything looks a little different. What I want to do is different. Who I want to be/am is different. Where I want to be is different. And THE THING IS, it's always changing with me lately! I CANNOT KEEP UP WITH MY OWN BRAIN. All the sudden I want to travel, I want to get out and do amazing shit like all the time, and the thought of marriage scares the living shit out of me.

Which scares the living shit out of my serious, longterm boyfriend.

But, hey, I'll save that one for Dr. Phil since it's kind of a long story and maybe I can become internet famous like the Cash Me Ouside girl, ya know? How bout dah? Bright side.

23 is the time though, right? The time to do all these crazy fun things...RIGHT?! Seriously, I'm asking. Because if I'm being honest, even though I feel excited for new adventures and stuff, I carry around a lot of guilt as well. Why don't I just get a nice job and marry my boyfriend and have babies and do all the things literally everyone I know my age is doing? Everyone asks me why, so why? Why don't have a better explanation than "I'm just not ready?" Am I lying? I don't know. I don't feel like I am but I also don't completely agree with that statement either. I do want those things...just not yet, I guess. But I just feel like I'm drifting away from everyone. All my friends who are wifed up, have stable jobs, and are finding their way into adulthood. How do I stop feeling like that? Will I ever stop feeling like that?

Anyway, I wish this was slightly more profound. I'm just lost. I'm not so sure I love it but I'm not so sure I hate it either. All I know is that it's affecting...everything.

I'll keep you posted.

What about you?