Hello There

Hi I don't know what to write really but I can't sleep. I keep thinking about some things that happened to me in this past week that makes me really upset. I don't think I can talk to anyone about this so I suppose I'll write it out here

I'm Rachel (friends call me Rach aha), 17, living in the uk. My family comes from Pakistan. I'm bisexual and well I've been crushing on my best friend since we were 13. She is a girl. She doesn't know I'm bi, and I don't think she'd ever suspect my feelings for her. Mostly because I am Muslim

When people see me, all they see is a girl in a headscarf. They don't understand that there is more to me than just that. I love my chem, I love writing poems, I love my kitty (she's called Sugar)

None of that matters to the non-Muslim people because they just see me as what the news says that we are...terrorists

I keep thinking of last week when I was with my best friend at her house, and her brother was playing with his dog. I asked if we could please go upstairs because I do not like dogs, and her brother just said that it was because I was "a Paki". And my best friend didn't do anything but laugh.

I tried to just laugh too but now I am feeling angry because my best friend did not stick up for me. But I still feel like I love her. I just feel hurt. I think that I would stick up for her if someone was disrespectful to her, but she just laughed at me. It is making me understand that she does not love me like I love her.

All I can think is that if she was Muslim she would understand me. I have tried to talk to her about my faith before but she did not seem interested. Her family is Catholic and that is what she calls herself too, but she does not care about it like I care about my faith

by the way here is a poem I wrote about this:

Black tears fall from my eyes so red
Onto the pages of my book,
Like they are drops of blood that I bled
Maybe if this was the book that she read
She would go to paradise instead