Lol Why Do I Do This to Myself? + Book Box Subscriptions?

I'm overthinking about making up scenarios in my head again, everyone.

This time it's for something petty. A Greek girl I knew in high school always gets mad when people take Greek things and Americanize them (like how people make "pizza casserole" out to be Italian and "taco lasagna" out to be Mexican) or just butcher her culture entirely and I understand. She has every right to be mad because being Italian, I get irked when the Italian culture is butchered by something. But my problem is that she makes fun of people who get angry when their culture is butchered.

Another thing I get pissy about is when she bashes the Italian culture. She's been doing this since I met her freshmen year of high school and once even asked me, "Why would you take Italian when it's such an ugly language? Their culture is dumb, too." Uh... Because I am Italian?! Also, I can't imagine just going up to someone and saying their culture is dumb.

She shared a video of "Greek nachos" and said, "You know what you don't see? Greek people getting butthurt over this. You know what you do see? Whiny butthurt Italian-Americans getting angry all the time."

Y'all. Food is very, very important to Italian culture. Food is important to all cultures. So yeah, it sucks when someone tries to take your culture, butcher it, and pass it off as the real deal. I mean, I get taking pizza casserole and saying "inspired by Italian flavors" or taco lasagna and saying "inspired by Mexican flavors". But to call pizza casserole an ethnic Italian dish? Nah, son. Also, living in an Italian family I noticed that Italians get very protective over their recipes, as I'm sure anyone of any culture would do. My grandma is so strict about her damn pasta sauce it's actually quite funny.

But anyway, I said something about food being super important and just basically told her what I said above that I think anyone from any culture has the right to be irked by something like this. So she responded with, "Lol Dominique, sorry to rain on your parade but food is important in LITERALLY EVERY culture."

Um. I know that. I literally told her that. She's not wrong. I was just trying to explain to her people can get angry if they want. I had gyro at a popular Greek-American restaurant by my house and she got mad at that because it wasn't real Greek food and it was trying to pass off for the real thing when it wasn't. So why can she be mad but I can't?

Anyway, the point of this blog is that my brain is twisting things around. So yeah I'm irked at her. But I'm more so mad at myself. The "sorry to rain on your parade" phrase has me freaking out because now I'm like, am I on a high horse when I don't want to be? Was I thinking way too deep into what she was saying and being overdramatic in my response? Am I trying to be a know-it-all and now she thinks I know nothing? I mean once she straight up told me I'm a "fucking dumbass" because I pronounce nutella "wrong" (I say new-tella because nutella is an Italian word and new-tella is how Italians say it. Not nuh-tella. Also don't ask how this conversation came up because I don't even remember). But ever since this happened I basically just convinced myself I'm stupid and I keep asking myself why am I so stupid.

I already woke up pretty sad today for no reason. I've been waking up either sad or angry the past few weeks and there aren't any reasons to why. So then I'll unintentionally take something petty like this and have my brain twist it around so now I have a "reason". Does that make sense? Then I create drama in my head where there isn't any. Exhibit A: This damn blog. Also, my unwanted thoughts are coming back so they're not helping.

Before college started something stupid like this wouldn't bother me in the slightest. But now it does and I don't know why? Another reason I'm mad at myself is because I'm mad at something so stupid but I don't know how to get... unmad? I make myself feel worthless and like a dumbass which isn't very good for my mental health. I have a psychiatrist appointment Monday and Wednesday. I'm currently being tested for depression and/or anxiety, both of which run in the family.

I'm really tired of being sad or angry all the time. I don't understand why this stuff bothers me. This didn't even bother me hours after it happened. I started thinking about it randomly and it kept repeating itself in my head and I was like, "Welp. Look what you did to yourself, dumbass."

Maybe I am just the whiny, butthurt Italian American she was talking about. I take pride in my culture but I guess I should just keep my opinions to myself. I wish I could be the people who are so strong and let nothing bother them. Like my dad. He called me today and I was telling him about my recent struggles and he said that, although it took years of practice, he doesn't let things bother him and he always tries to look at things positively. He can have arguments with people and walk away unscathed whereas said argument could be on my mind for days. I wish I could just get over stuff like that. But alas. Apparently I can't. My dad told me the only reason I'm so angry is because my anger has been slowly building up and I'm about to reach my breaking point. Too bad I don't know what I'm actually angry about.

Another reason I'm annoyed that this is bothering me is because it's not like she's a close friend. We haven't seen each other since graduation. We were "friends" in high school but only because we had to see each other every day for 5 days of the week. So it's like... if she's not in my life why am I thinking so hard about this?

Does anyone else go through this at all? I feel bad sharing this because that's how stupid I think this is. But it's been replaying in my head so I guess I needed to vent somewhere.

I miss high school Dom that wouldn't think too deep into everything and just let things go after an hour or two. College Dom cares too much.

UPDATE

I woke up this morning thinking about this all over again but also a happier thing. BOOK BOX SUBSCRIPTIONS! There are a bunch of companies (owlcrate, more I can't remember suddenly) that have themes and send you a box every month. Does anyone participate in these? Genuinely wondering if the money is worth it.