Mother's Day

I know lately I've put up some pretty depressing blogs and I'm sorry about that but writing helps me get my feelings out instead of them driving me crazy. This will be my first mother's day without a mom to spoil. I was adopted at the age of 3 by my grandparents so I always said I had two mommies. In 2004 that went down to one as my mommy took her last breath. This year it went down to none because my momma lost her battle with cancer. I have to try and plan a mother's day event at work and my heart just isn't in it. I'm trying so hard to stay positive but the depression just gets worse the closer we are to mother's day. It seems like no one at work understands why I'm not my normal happy, outgoing self. I don't know how long it will take for me to find my new normal but right now I'm struggling with my day to day life and just taking each problem as it comes. My heart is broken at the loss of my momma and I don't know that it will ever fully heal. I have found myself reading her poems she wrote in the last couple months of her battle and I realize just how much pain she was in. I might try and share them on Mibba at some point but I'm not ready to just yet. I know she isn't suffering anymore but that isn't always my first thought. I want her back with me happy and healthy so we can have more memories together. The last event we attended together will always be precious to me. She wasn't feeling the best but she wanted to be with the family. I'm hoping that the pain gets easier but right now it keeps getting worse. I'm sorry to be so depressing but I have to get my feelings out somehow and writing is what I've always done. I'm going to end it with this. RIP Mary Davis (my beloved momma), your journey and fight is over now so you can be at rest. There will never be another like you and I'm trying so hard to make you proud of me. Born November 8th, 1963 and left us in death March 15th, 2017. I don't know how I'm going to carry on without you and your advice.