I finally went to see a therapist yesterday. He helped me talk about what's on my mind and to make a long story short, he said I have definite symptoms of OCD and depression and he wants me to see a psychiatrist and get tested for both. My mom is helping me find one who takes our insurance. She said she's always seen the signs (she has depression so she's really good at picking out who does and doesn't). We've just never had the money for me to see someone about them.
The therapist helped me discover where my sadness and anger stem from. One hypothesis is that they came from the friendship of mine that ended over the summer with a guy I just realized I was in love with (and of course I broke down in tears when telling the therapist about it). Our other hypothesis is that the majority of my anger comes from the time I found out my dad was having an affair. Of course we don't know for sure yet, especially since these sad and angry episodes aren't anything new and I don't remember a time in my life when I didn't have them. But I did notice everything get worse around these times. Our third hypothesis is that the depression came from genetics. Like I said, my mom has it and her brother has pretty severe bipolar. We're not sure about the OCD symptoms, but the therapist thinks maybe I don't actually have OCD and my OCD tendencies are how I cope with life.
Onto the boy drama.
So y'all know that guy I cut off right after spring break because he was clingy, jealous, and overall a fucking creep? He snapchatted me. Only, I didn't know that was him because I was half-asleep and when I saw, "Hey, can we talk?" I thought it was a friend in need. Whoops. Turns out I didn't actually block him and looking through my block list, I blocked someone else by accident. Sorry Someone Else.
He said he's sorry for what happened and he wants to talk to me again. He claims he didn't mean to be a "burden" (I scrolled through our messages and never once have I called him a burden). He sees potential and he thinks things will be different.
Me: "If I was getting that many bad vibes in the beginning, I don't want to see what the future is like. Goodbye."
Him: "I'm not gonna apologize for being myself. At least I tried."
Me: "I'm not asking you to apologize. The entire reason I called it off was because clearly our personalities don't mesh and I did us a favor of breaking it up before things got worse."
Him: "I know but the way you said it makes it look like it's a bad thing for being me."
At this point one of my friends said he's trying to manipulate me and I can see that. He's tried to guilt me before.
I told him I stand by what I said.
His golden response: "If your mind changes my offer still stands."
Yeeeeeah no. Goodbye. I told him not to get his hopes up and he said "Oh I know." Please, boy. Move the fuck on. As of now you're not my friend on Facebook, your number is blocked, and so is your snapchat (the correct name this time).
Dear fucking Lord.
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