I Don't Know What to Say

Mibba, it's been a while and I don't know what to say.

In October I got swirled up into this whirl wind romance with this guy I thought was pretty swell. We were having a great time until he got re-involved with his fraternity.

I didn't know what to say when I started having flashbacks to an event I'd experienced at a party in a city far away.

I didn't know what to say every time he told me he felt like I was trying to change him, but I just couldn't handle supporting that, and I couldn't tell him how I felt without him getting offended.

I didn't know what to say other than "okay, that sounds fun" when he started cancelling our plans in lieu of joining a reenactment group.

I didn't know what to say when he told me my religious beliefs were dumb.

I didn't know what to say two weeks ago when he blamed me for his depression and suicidal thoughts he'd been having a month ago.

I broke up with him two weeks ago, and I still don't really know what to say. Other than I think I'm ok, and that I don't love him, but I'm worried about him.

I'm doing more yoga, I'm cuddling my cat, and I'm working crazy stupid hours. I hadn't felt lonely until this morning when I realized I'd gotten home from work at 1am, and no one had been wondering where I had been and why I hadn't returned their messages.

I'm trying to write, I want to write, but I don't know what to. I had written these short stories about Christmas and New Years which never got posted.

I was wondering if you knew of any stories on here or otherwise, with something good to say? Because I feel like I need it.