One More Month.

I still have one more month of school left and I honestly don't know if I can make it. I have no hope of getting good grades this quarter because I have been getting progressively more depressed. Which means that I haven't been able to get my work done like I used to be able to. I've missed so many assignments. At this point I'm just trying to come out of this alive. I'm holding onto hope about the summer vacation, but it's been really difficult to be hopeful about anything at all.

Sorry about being such a depressing person, this blog and the past blog just seem to be depressed rambles that show off what a pessimist I am. I hate being such a burden and being sad about everything. Sometimes I feel okay, but most of the time I find it difficult to make it through the day. And when morning comes around I find it difficult to get out of bed. I try to watch happy shows, but they don't make me laugh like they usually do. I usually love Parks and Recreation, but I stopped re-watching after a couple of seasons because I realized that I wasn't enjoying it like I usually do and I didn't want to ruin the show for myself. Which probably makes zero sense.

I have a test tomorrow and I have been staring at worksheets and the textbook for the past several days, but everything just seems to unstick as soon as I think I have learned it. Oh, well.



I have been trying really hard to stay positive and act like I have my life together, but I just don't think I can pretend that everything is fine. I can attempt to pretend for one more month, until my classes are finally over, but I just don't know if I am going to feel better even after my summer vacation begins.

I dunno. I feel bad about being like this. I'd be lying if I said that the idea of ending it all hasn't crossed my mind at least once in the past month. But I can't tell anybody that I know about that or they might freak out. They're not serious thoughts. Just enough to ponder what it would really mean, what it would be like to not exist. But I don't trust talking to people that I do know because somebody once sent the police to our house after I posted a sad Facebook post. I can't even talk about personal or sad stuff on there. I just post happy, funny stuff because I don't want to concern people. And the police coming over that one time made my home life awful. I don't really have anybody that I can talk to about this kind of stuff.



Also, I feel the need to apologize for my obsession with Pretty Little Liars. I've been watching it a lot. It's been one of the only things somewhat capturing my attention.

This was just one huge mess. I'm sorry.

If you guys have any encouragement tactics or motivational quotes or anything I would appreciate it so much.