Physically, I look fine. But Emotionally...I'm not.

I got diagnosed with a stress condition recently. Which is no fun might I add. Now everyone decides they want to stress me out. Work...Family...and now my partner has decided he's moving away from me. Now sure, I understand the reasons, they are perfectly sound.

But I don't care.
Right now I needed him here, to help me and it's like being abandoned all over again.
My family is making it worse, My boss only cares that he won't be there to work for her.
My daughter won't stop crying, and he feels terrible about the entire thing.
But it has to be done, we can't financially survive here.
But I can't legally leave, So he has to.

And you know what I'm doing?
Faking being strong.
I got real petty before.
I still am. But right now, anger is the only thing I can throw at anyone.
It hurts. But I can't cry, because then my daughter will see it.
It hurts. But I can't yell at him, Because it's the right thing do it.
It hurts. But we can't go with him, Because my lawyers won't let me.

Everyone is coming to me lately with their 'difficult' problems, and I'm giving them advice, all while wishing they could feel the pain I'm feeling right now, and not be allowed to let it out.

Does that make me a bad person? No. and If it did, I doubt I could feel their judgement right now.
June 28th, 2017 at 03:22am