I'm going to be straightforward with this. Kevin is an alcoholic.
I've known this fact since we started dating for the first time back in May. He told me he wanted to quit and he did for a few days at a time, but if I had to work or if he was upset, he'd always go for a drink. I've seen him heavily intoxicated more than once and during those times he would put himself down something awful and it hurt to see that; it scared me.
So the other day, the 13th of July, Kevin came home late and you could tell that he had, had a few drinks. He had been coming home late for the past few days and it worried me to death. Each day though, he was drinking and it was getting worse and worse.
The 12th though, he came home, his dad was asleep on the couch, and he decided to mow the yard. He went outside, did the yard work, and then I heard a chainsaw running. See, his father and him have been talking about cutting one of the trees down the past few days and well, Kevin made the decision to do it at 8 o'clock at night, when it was getting dark outside.
His father came to me when he woke up and heard the chainsaw and asked what had gotten into Kevin. I told his father that he had been drowning himself in the bottom of a bottle. It became an emotional night. His father brought him in the house, his mother was called, Kevin was crying and telling them he didn't know why he was drinking, and that was the final nail in the coffin.
He called his mother that night, and went to sleep. I stayed awake for a while because I was texting his mom and we were trying to figure out what to do and the only thing that was decided to do was call the local community services place (the one where I attend for my psychiatrist) and see if there was something to do.
July 14th, my birthday.
I was the one who went with Kevin to the community services place. His mother came up there also after she had gotten off of work, but Kevin wanted to go on ahead and get it out of the way. I stuck by his side and sat in the waiting room while he talked to a counselor and it was decided that he needed in-patient counseling, and while he at the facility, they were going to detox him from the alcohol.
Did I cry that day? Yes, it was a rough day. It was my birthday. I cried so much because I knew he was going away for a while. They told him no facilities had any space though, and he might have to wait a couple days... That evening though, one of them called him and told him that they would have a check-in time of 1 o'clock on the 15th.
That evening, his family tried to cheer me up by taking me out to dinner, but when Kevin and I got back to the house, we just kind of laid together because he knew my anxiety was acting up and we both knew it'd be rough to be away from each other. Kevin and I have a connection like no other and it's unreal.
July 15th.
We woke up early so he could pack his bags. I threw him one of my shirts with my perfume so he could sleep with it. He took a shower and I did my makeup and we discussed things that were going to happen while he was away. The two of us went out to get breakfast while we were waiting for his mom to show up, and while we were at the tobacco store (he had to get a carton of cigarettes), he found a lighter with my zodiac sign on it.
See, Kevin is really into the star signs and horoscopes and things like that. He had his, his mother's, and his father's symbols tattooed on one of his arms. So when he found the lighter, he bought it... and he ended up giving me the one that he was already using, the one with his zodiac sign on it.
He said that while he was away, I could have the Leo lighter, and he would be using the Cancer one. In other words, we would be using each others star signs and have a kind of connection with the matching lighters.
Here's a picture of them:
I ended up posting a picture of them on my blog and such with a small poem that goes:
You’re leaving me,
But it’s only for a little while,
And we’ll be miles apart,
But it’ll be okay,
Because you’ll use mine,
And I’ll use yours,
And that’s how we’ll make it through the day. ❤️
He bought me breakfast and we went back to his house. He grandmother and mother arrived there not long later and after they talked to his dad a little bit, we got in the car and began our hour long trip to the facility. The whole way there, we were cuddled up together in the back seat, listening to music just to pass the time. He fell asleep, but he needed it because he didn't really know what he was walking into.
When we got there, a nurse took him to the back to evaluate him and we were given a family questionnaire to fill out. His mother allowed me to put my answers on there since I've been living there and I've seen these things first hand during this time.
When he was finished with the nurse, he came back out to the waiting area, he sat down beside me, wrapped an arm around me and I cuddled up against him. He's more or less been my calming mechanism as of late so being near him during this time was the only reason I wasn't in tears.
His mother had to go to the back to fill out the financial aspect of the facility and I went outside with him while he smoked a cigarette, crying for a small minute as he just gave me a hug. I kept saying everything was going to be okay because I really hope it will be.
When his mom came back, we had to say our goodbyes.
He hugged his grandmother.
He hugged his mom and told her that he loved her. She gave him a few words of encouragement and then there I was, standing at the end of our three person line.
He walked up to me, gave me a tight hug, I told him I loved him and he said it back, and then he gave me a kiss in front of his two family members and two of the facility staff; I have to admit, I blushed brightly when he did that. Afterwards, he held onto my hand as he walked away, just until our fingertips couldn't reach each other anymore. It was bittersweet, watching the man I love walk away from me for an unknown amount of days.
I mean, there's a high chance I'll see him Sunday due to him having visitation days that day, but still, it's rough not being with him.
Since then, I've been staying at his father's house. I'm taking care of his cat and snake, while cleaning up around the house and doing a little cooking; more or less what I was doing even before he had to leave. I'm comfortable here and it's nice.
Along with that, I've been keeping a journal about the things that have happened during the day while he's been gone. It comforts me and I'll be giving it to him when he gets back, but along with that, I've also been posting a roughly edited version of it online, taking out names and places just to keep our privacy.
If you guys are interested in it, it's posted here: I Miss You
It's been a rough trip, but after writing that poem Drink. Drop. I know he needs the help. I'm hoping he'll get better and while I'm at it, I'm counting down the days until Sunday...
Thank you for reading this even though it's a bit of a mess. I've been depressed, but I'm gonna pull through this. I'll try to keep you guys updated.
Until next time,
Kayla VI