Chester Bennington Died Today.

Hello Mibba

Most of you probably don't know me; I was popular when Mibba was a toddler still. I remember the great Mee-ba vs Mih-ba debate. And all the bandwagons that came after it.

Most people from then knew me to be an avid Linkin Park fan - I've been to many of their concerts now. After their album release, my count was officially five concerts. Supposed to be seven by October, but who knows now.

Chester Bennington, my idol, killed himself today. At least, that's what all the websites are saying. BBC even reported it, and BBC isn't really a gossip train, if you know what I mean.

That aside, it's eating at me. I've listened to Linkin Park since I was a toddler. I've been an avid fan since summer of '10. Ever since the start of my love for them, I knew that Chester was my idol. Not my favorite member, but I looked up to him like sunflowers look up to the sun. He was everything I wanted to be, everything I loved and aspired for. He'd struggled with some of the things I struggled with, and he came out on top. And that told me I could come out on top.

They released their new album this year and I was down for every. single. song. This album meant more to me than any other album, especially when they performed One More Light live after the death of Chris Cornell. I didn't know him, but Chester was close to him. So close that Chester was the godfather of Chris' kids.

Today would have been Chris' birthday. Today, Chester hung himself, in the same way that Chris hung himself.

It's selfish to feel impacted by his death. I didn't know him. I just liked his music and spoke to him a few times. I loved who I thought he was. I knew he was struggling, but I didn't know it was so bad.

I had to tell two of my closest friends that I met over my love for Linkin Park. Somehow, they hadn't seen the news. One of them I met through here, through Mibba, and the other was the friend that actually rekindled my love for them in the summer of '10. And they didn't know until I said something. They're both struggling to come to terms with it as much as I am.

Because when you love a band as much as we love Linkin Park, it doesn't really compute.

My heart went out to all the fans of Chris when he passed, but I didn't really understand. I could only say I'm sorry. But now I cry with them. I cry for them. This is a pain that I wouldn't wish on anyone.

I'm so sorry for his family, his friends, his close loved ones. I can't imagine what must be running through their minds right now. Mine is just an endless stream of the word "No," over and over again accompanied by the feeling of numbness that allows me to even write this journal without bursting into tears.

You don't ever see me around anymore, Mibba, but I couldn't stay silent. Not today. Not this time.