i am claire

My name is Claire. I'm 20, almost 21, I have a boyfriend and a job and I used to have a car until she gave up on me, but that's a story for another day. I'm too nice but too pushy. I don't eat enough but I eat too much, and I never get enough sleep to feel well-rested. I don't even know what well-rested means. I work too much for not enough and I cry whenever I watch The Price is Right or Let's Make a Deal. I have an idealized view of suicide but I'll never do it. Instead I smoke too much and drive too fast and take too much Aleve and have crazy wild reckless sex with random people, when I don't have a boyfriend of course. I like dogs and cats and goats and horses and I play DnD on Tuesdays with my best friend and his coworkers. We have fun but I worry I have too many boys in my life. I love them all, of course, but I can't help feeling like I should diversify. I watch HGTV obsessively and cum in my pants when I see reclaimed wood accent anything. I love my boyfriend but I fear there are red flags that I am intentionally overlooking. I overlook them because I know he's damaged, and because I know I'm damaged, and because he's cute and nice and really good in bed when I've been taught my whole life that plus size girls only get ugly dumpy dudes with small dicks. We don't get nice things. I just want nice things.