I have this thing where I think in technicalities rather in realistic generalizations. What I mean is that I will believe that something is possible and behave accordingly even if that possibility is just 1%. For example, I know that it’s highly unlikely that someone will break into my house and kill me, but it’s still something I fear. The fact that it’s improbable doesn’t soothe my anxiety at all because I know that it — technically — could still happen.
This has led me to do some stupid things in my life. What I’m mainly referring to here is dating. A lot of the time, I have given guys a chance even if they seem incompatible with me, just because technically we could still hit it off. And what if they’re my soulmate? I have to give everyone a chance because there’s a technical possibility that anyone on planet earth could be my soulmate, right?
That’s the way that I used to think, but recently, I’ve been turning further and further away from this. I still believe in soulmates, fate, destiny, even magic — but I realized that the mechanism that these fantastical ideas use as a channel is our will, not pure happenstance. Furthermore, who were intrinsically are as people can influence our fate as well.
We can use magic, our destiny, whatever as a way to get what we want, and what’s right for us, as unique individuals. We should make these things happen, rather than letting them happen to us. And if you hold this mentality, it will make it true in your life.
For example, if it’s your dream to be a plumber, then you can use the power of destiny to reach that destination, if you apply your will. However, if you believe that you cannot choose your own fate, and an easier job as an electrician comes along, you will probably accept it, believing that it is somehow your “fate” to be an electrician. That doesn’t change the fact that you wanted to be a plumber, and that you probably would have been happier having that job.
This is because your wants and desires are not random. If you want to be a plumber, it’s not meaningless — it’s because there is something that has drawn you to have that desire. This is the root of your fate. Now you have to make it happen.
If you believe that you have no power in life, and that you are just floating along as a victim of an unseen force, then you will settle for anything. You will believe that it is “meant to be,” and you will probably settle for something less than what you could have possibly achieved. And even though most don’t admit it, I think that a lot of people think this way. They think that they end up in their position in life through no fault of their own.
But, like I was saying earlier, I always applied this egalitarian, determinist attitude toward dating. I thought that no matter how much of a loser a guy was, I still had to give him a chance because technically he could still be a good person. Even if he’s a drug dealing homeless person right now, he could technically end up with a highly moralistic person with a great job.
And I’m a very empathetic person as well. I give people the benefit of the doubt. If a guy is in a shitty place in life, I would make excuses for him. I would tell myself that I could have ended up in the same place. But I’m not. I haven’t ended up in that situation because I haven’t let myself. I have always had standards, I have always had morals, and I have worked and fought to become a healthy, mature person with a future.
I am a self-actualizer, and there is no way that it is my “fate” to have a soulmate who is not. And even if it was, then I wouldn’t want my fate anyway. I no longer believe that I have to give every guy a chance because there is some technical chance that he is my soulmate. My soulmate is someone who is on the same level as me, because I wouldn’t have a soulmate who is incompatible with me, or who lowers my quality of life and happiness — someone who diverts me from my very essence.
And I think a lot of people need to realize this — you have control over your life because of your fate, not in spite of it.
Not registered?
Create an account