Another Me Too, Another Violated Girl

My experiences are not as bad as some. They were just occurrences that I didn't think much of when they happened, but now that I'm older and look back on them, I recognize them for what they are.

The first time was when I was in 7th grade. I was at my boyfriend's house with him and a few other friends. One of them was an older boy, I think by two years. I would actually end up dating him in future years. He was known within our friends group as being the guy who took girls' "virginity". By then, I think he had slept with at least two girls in my social circle. I didn't know him well at all, though. This may have been the second time I had ever hung out with him.

Sitting on the couch, we were all screwing around. The guys were talking dirty and I was uncomfortable, and somewhere in all of it, he started rubbing over my pants between my legs. I squirmed away and laughed nervously. He stopped after several seconds, but only because I pushed him away. Nobody said anything about it despite the fact that I was visibly uncomfortable and kept moving away from him.

The second time was my first time getting drunk. I was in my senior year of high school. I wasn't blackout by any means. I was tipsy, just enough to have lower inhibitions. One of my best friends and I were hanging out with a buddy from work who invited some other friends to come with us to a club. One was actually a boy I had probably met once before because he was an old high school friend of my brother's. I thought he was kind of cute and talked to him a fair amount that night. We kissed at the club we all went to and then he drove me home. He parked around the corner and started kissing me. That I was fine with, but after a while he reached between my legs and up into my shorts. I shoved his hand away immediately and told him to stop. He laughed and told me to relax and kept trying. I continued to move and push his hand away. It wasn't until he leaned over too far and accidentally honked his horn that he stopped. I got out of the car and got to my house as quick as I could.

Against my better judgement, I continued to see that boy. He was kind to me most of the time and I did end up sleeping with him until he pushed too hard for anal and tried for it even after I told him no. My scream is what stopped him. I left his house pretty much immediately. Maybe a year later, he contacted me on Facebook and apologized, but I didn't really accept it.

None of these instances were serious in comparison to some other stories, but they're what's happened to me and they've all stuck with me. Every time I talk to a new guy, I wonder if he's gonna try to reach into my pants. Every time I finally sleep with a guy, I wonder how far they'll try to take it. Every time a new guy comes into my life, fear comes with him because that's what I've learned over the years.