Ever since my last relationship ended, my interest in sex has all but disappeared. And, also, as I’ve really started thinking about the problems in my life and culture in general, I just have naturally stopped being so into sex. And as this interest has diminished, I’m able to see other people’s sexual behavior kind of more objectively.
Everybody knows the problems with porn and all that, or at least they should. If you don’t, seriously, research it. But besides that, it also seems like it has just gotten really out of hand in every way imaginable. Tinder and all these other dating apps/sites have normalized totally random hookups. Abnormal, unhealthy fetishes have been completely normalized. People have dropped any kind of discernment and will have sex with almost any kind of person — even people much younger or older than themselves, for example.
Every relationship I’ve had in recent years has been hyper-sexual, and so have the relationships of people I know. At the time, I just thought that’s how things were. In a way, I had a feeling that I had to accept it or be alone because all guys were just like that. But the truth is, while that’s the way that both guys and girls behave nowadays, it’s not natural.
When you have sex with someone who you don’t truly love, you leave feeling almost — or completely — raped. The emptiness you thought it might fill just gapes open wider once the encounter is over (or, for me at least, during the encounter). At least, that is the way that healthy people react. Of course, there have always been exceptions to this. People have always had one night stands here and there, but most of those people were victims of sexual abuse, and thus sex was the only way they knew how to experience love.
But I see so many people who fuck around with random people all the time and still feel lonely and broken inside, and they’re wondering why. They wonder why a guy won’t love them just because they’re having sex with them. They wonder if anyone will ever love them.
The people who live in my building will have crazy, loud sex making sure we can all hear; when I overhear these people conversing, they usually make sexually explicit comments seemingly trying to prove how kinky they are. I get sexual humor, but it’s different when someone is being serious and sexually desperate. I find it extremely uncomfortable to talk about sex with people I barely know, as well, but that’s just me and I’ve always been like that. These conversations seem forced and, like I said, as if they’re trying to prove something.
I myself made the decision months ago to not have sex with anyone unless we’re in a very serious relationship. I used to not be like that. Just a couple months ago I wasn’t. Although I’m still sexually inexperienced, I used to think that I’d have sex with a guy as long as I found him attractive, basically. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve become less sexually-focused, and less appearance-focused as well.
I just find this sexual obsession to be really sad. People are so obsessed with making themselves seem sexually available, sexually experienced, etc. and they truly believe that it’s the most important thing about themselves. For women, I believe that ultimately this is because they think that the way to a man’s heart is through sex, which is just about as far from the truth as you can get. For men, they are brainwashed to believe that they achieve manliness by being a manwhore. Both genders basically self medicate through sex, as a way to numb themselves from the loneliness they feel deep down.
But lately I have just realized that this mindset has been affecting me a lot as well. I saw my level of sex appeal as important and a way of attracting men. This was subconscious and I didn’t even realize it when I had those thoughts. I used sex as a way to distract myself from my real problems, and I saw it as a small dosage of the affection and love that I craved.
Then I realized fully that sex without love is not love, has nothing to do with love, and may even be something like that opposite of love. Sex in the absence of love and commitment has no meaning, has no value, and can therefore do no actual good for anyone.
Sex can’t make anyone love another person. Being good at sex or even being sexy looking cannot contribute to true love. True love is based on appreciation of one another’s personalities, helping each other through hard times, being understanding, laughing together, noticing and falling in love with all the little mannerisms and quirks about a person. None of that has anything to do with sex. Sex is simply a vehicle of expressing love to someone who you already do love, on a profound level. But without love and commitment, it’s simply an animalistic act that is actually kind of gross.
But that’s the road our society is going down anyway. Everything is just becoming more and more hedonistic and animalistic, and pretty soon it’s going to reach a breaking point — if it hasn’t already. I’m just fed up with the sex shit, though, and now that my eyes are open to this I feel like I can just see straight through all the stupid sexual facades and all that. Anyway, there’s nothing I can really do about it, is there?
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