You've Got to Hide Your Love Away (And Your Whole Life Too)

Formerly, I lived in a very liberal part of America. The West coast has always been known for being more liberal than the rest of the country, and Oregon seemed to try just that much harder to be "out there".
Acceptance of our differences and of diversity is essential to the forward momentum of society. This I firmly believe. However, that does not mean reducing everyone to a single label or letter in the ever-growing LGBTQQAA, etc. in order to seem like an open-minded individual. It's not about making a spectacle of yourself and others in the name of your diversity.
Say what you mean, and mean what you say. Stand up for your rights, dignity, and happiness. Be a whole and complete human being. You are more than the sum of your labels.
Oregon (or where I lived in Oregon) did not understand that.

But I said "formerly". Last year I moved with my mom and brother to a much more conservative community.
That gives me a lot to be anxious about considering my own labels, but I have also found a great deal of comfort in it, strange as it sounds.
People aren't yelling about politics or their dietary needs and restrictions. Hell, I have dietary restrictions, and I'm thrilled to not have to talk about it. I'm also a politically conscious person, but I love not having to discuss politics, or have that be a part of my relationship with people.

I moved out to a small community in the country. All around are rolling hills and the farmers that artfully tend to them. It is an art, and these men and women are masters of it, creating mercurial murals in the fields of wheat and lentils. I left the ocean and the densely packed evergreens after ten years and found a landscape that suits me far better. Open and wide, always changing in a myriad of colors and slopes. But that is neither here nor there.

As much as I love the land here (which is quite significant) and as pleasantly surprised as I have been with the majority of the people I have met, I am still conscious of the fact that conservatism comes with a notable lack of acceptance for certain minority groups.
Men are supposed to like women, women are supposed to like men, they are supposed to have children, and the cycle is supposed to continue.
I, however, do not particularly care for men or women sexually. Romantically, I don't see why it should matter if they are a man or a woman, or something else entirely, or sometimes one and sometimes another. I have never seen sex or gender as a thing to prefer or not prefer, even age is something I find very little interest in (beyond legality, of course)

So when a teenage girl corners you and asks whether you're gay, straight, or bisexual because her friend thinks you "really hot"... Well, I floundered.
For one, I don't feel particularly comfortable with any of those labels, and two, I prefer to keep my private life private. I have no shame in regards to these things, but I also like to protect myself.
Sure, perhaps a group of teenagers finds nothing objectionable in the matter, but who else would they mention it to? And how accepting would they be?
I don't need to be bestowed with the mantle of "Homosexual" in a small community where word travels fast and many people voted for Donald Trump.

It would be exceptionally easy to just deny everything and say that I am unobjectionably straight. If only denials like that didn't cut so deeply. If only I weren't constantly lying about my history and various aspects of my identity already. If only.

If only we could live in a world where people could be people. I hope to God that those girls don't end up regretting their openness.
I used to think that we were dawning a new era of social acceptance, but that was before Donald Trump, before Orlando and Charlottesville. Now, I think perhaps it's best that people seek what shelter they can in anonymity.
Ignorance will try it's best to erase what it doesn't understand, and ignorance has been given a shining megaphone and a golden soapbox since Trump took office.

I want for everyone to be safe, I want for us all to feel as though we have a place in this world, that this time is our time. I grew up trying to find myself in everyone else's memoir, hoping against hope that I wouldn't have to live like they did, with my whole life kept like a secret in my throat, choking on it as I introduced myself as someone other.
Worst fears have a way of coming true. Of testing the strength of your soul against the strength of your common sense, against your will to live. Against the very meaning of life.

I'm not sure if this all made sense or if it is even remotely coherent.