So, I woke up really early this morning and my head has been running in 500 different circles, so I thought I'd just take a bit to sit down and write out one of the things that has been on my mind; my life decisions in the past six months. Now, I'm not here to write about how I regret this, this, and this; nope, definitely not. I'm here to write about how these decisions have effected my life for the better and to show how I've had to grow up quite a bit in such a short amount of time. I'm going to try to cover all the topics in order, from May to now, and at the same time, this will probably full of links to old journals, things I've wrote about, etc, just in case you guys want to check it out from probably the moment that life event happened.
Let's get into this mess. I apologize in advance if this is all jumbled. I'm going to try to keep it all in place.
Breaking Up With My Ex:
May 1st, 2017, I broke off my relationship of four, very long, years. This decision was brought on by me meeting my current boyfriend, Kevin, one night when I was at work. After spending less than four days with him, I knew that my ex didn't deserve anymore of my time and I saw the one thing that I had been missing out on the whole time; an actual relationship with someone who cared about my well-being as much as I did theirs.
I don't think I ever went into full detail about what happened, but recently, I wrote an open letter to my ex that covered a lot of topics and in a sense, I made it very well known that I no longer appreciated him trying to meddle with my life. To sum it up, he was very controlling, possessive, and on occasions mentally and physically abusive. If he makes attempt to mess with my life again, I am planning on getting a restraining order; he has threatened to harm me, he's had other people do the same, and he was banned from my previous job and my current one. That's how messed up this whole situation turned out to be.
To admit it, I tried to be friends with him, but after Kevin and I got back together after being apart one week, something in my ex snapped because he thought I was getting back with him because I was miserable; I was heartbroken. That's when I got the first out of two sets of threats. So yeah, great decision I made there.
Supporting My Boyfriend Through Rehab:
July 13th, 2017, my boyfriend had decided to go into rehab for his alcoholism. At the time, the two of us had only been back together for a little over a month and I had known him for a total of two and a half. Now, for such a young relationship, this was a big thing, but as he's told me more times than not, out of the many, many relationships that he's had in the past, I actual saw the problem he was having and I wanted him to get help. I wrote what was going on in detail after he was admitted in this journal.
I spent a lot of time sitting by myself for 28 long days just trying to figure out if I was going in the right direction with pursuing this relationship honestly and I came to the decision that it was worth it. This was the guy that I had a "love at first sight" experience with and even though he had issues, so do I. He's helped me with my problems, so why shouldn't I try to help him with his. Yes, of course, I had many, many worries of what was going to happen when he was discharged, but so far, things have been going great. He's got four months of sobriety under his belt now and we're hoping for many, many more to come.
If you guys are interested, I kept a journal during all that time, and I've posted my entries on here called I Miss You.
Quitting My First Job:
I'm only going to touch on this one for a moment because it has a lot of bad memories behind it. If you guys want the full story in detail, here's a link to my Day Twenty and Twenty-One entries I wrote when my boyfriend was in rehab.
It was the first weekend of August that I quit my job at the shoe store for a lot of reasons. I had been there for over a year, and over that long amount of time, a lot of resentment was building up inside me. The pay was bad, they all had me do little tasks that weren't mine to do, I was having problems with a coworker who I have a history with, a lot of customers were entitled; it was just a lot of awful things. The last nail in the coffin though was when I knew there was a high probability I was going to be fired. I'm not going to say why I was going to be fired since it's already in the entries linked above, but it was a pretty messed up reason.
It was a good decision though because a month down the road, I ended up with my current job at a pet store. My bosses are really nice and friendly, the pay is a lot better, and I get to see animals on a daily basis and I really, really love animals.
Moving Out... Twice:
So, technically the first time was the last two weeks of April, which I wrote about here, and that honestly was a bad decision. I went from one toxic environment to another, and I ended up back at my parents house after two weeks.
The second time started out right after Kevin and I had gotten back together. I spent a lot of nights at his house because, one, I had sleeping alone, and two, I lived in a toxic environment with my family. Kevin's father was very nice to let me stay at the house while Kevin was in rehab, but then again, I was already practically living there and Kevin's dad knew what kind of situation was going on at my parents' home.
In August, I officially changed my address, and have been living here ever since. My father is okay with this decision I made because he knew that I was fed up with my stepmother and he likes Kevin a lot more than my ex. I'm also happier in my current environment than I was previously, mostly because I get to spend my time with the man I love and I don't have to wake up to someone screaming in my face every morning over something small that happened a while back.
Putting My College Education on Hiatus... Twice:
This ended up really long so I just made this topic its own journal.
Why I Haven't Gone Back to School
So yeah, I'm pretty proud of myself over these past few months and I want to thank you guys on supporting me all this time. I know I'm not putting out much writing wise anymore, but I've been really trying my best between work and all the other things I've got going on in life.
Thank you all for everything!
Kayla V
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