Sad & Mad

So, I am sitting here while my child sleeps thinking about the last few days. My niece who was only 1 year old had passed away. She had suffered from seizures and they had said that it was a miracle she made it over a year. Pneumonia was what killed most babies that had had seizures said the doctor. As I sit here and listen to "Tangled in the Great Escape" I really don't know what to type but I have to get my feelings out. It is currently 2 in the morning and my boyfriend is off doing acid somewhere with his friends. All I know is she is gone and it is hard to cry but all I feel is sadness. She was innocent and sweet. Everyone loved her. I am so worried for my sister, she feels so guilty for taking her off the breathing machine, saying she felt like my niece wanted to fight more. I have no idea what to say or do. I can't comfort her. I don't know how. I know I should just hold her and let her cry. The dad is worst than my sister, he is broken. I feel like he might do something and I know everyone else sees it and I just want to help them both but I want to just do it to where they can feel and know they will be okay. I have cried. I miss her. I am keeping myself together in front of everyone and it is getting to me. So much, I yelled at my boyfriend. I know it shouldn't be that way but I can't let myself get in the way. I cry by myself in my room alone. That isn't the only thing this blog is meant to vent though. My boyfriend was mad when he left so I messaged someone I knew he doesn't like me talking to. Cedric. Now he is a friend from boarding school and NOTHING happened. We were close as friend, but we only met like 3 months before we were meant to leave. He likes me. Honestly I talk to him when James because it is like a secret revenge. Or something. We just talk like friends, no flirting or anything like that. I don't feel guilty because it means nothing and it never will or has. Okay. I need to go cry now.