It is I... Writing my blog from my hermit introverted, unproductive NEET life.
Okay, I may not fit the definition of a NEET to a tee, but damn I am living a loser life. Does that sound harsh? It's just that... I had hoped to be further along professionally by this time in my life. In my mind's perfect plan, I should be out in the world as a productive citizen in a global society, feeling confident and empowered.
I mean... that's what they told you in school, right?
Maybe I missed the lecture on that part but here I am... A ripe age of 26, second guessing what the hell I should eat for breakfast, thinking up the worst case scenarios and assuming it to be the way things will turn out for everything. And I have never felt more unsure in my life.
Now before you go guessin', no this isn't some blog where I blame other things on as to why I am not where I would like to be. I understand I control of my life and my careers. I have the choices and only I can do these things for me. And all that jazz.
I guess... I just want some sort of certainty? Not like a guarantee or a promise of an easy life, no, fuck that. More of a personal certainty. Maybe the words I am looking for is Goals and Drive?
I feel like I am a bundle of potential. (ugh I hate how stereotypical Guidance counselor pep talk-y I sounds like "You have potential, meeeeeeh.") And I am totally not like, tootin' my own horn here. Like I feel like I have the stamina and energy... I just don't know where or what to direct it to. So I am now just sitting around all antsy and feeling pent up because I have no outlet. And I hate stalling, no joke.
I think I messed up in regards to my continuing education and my "career" so that sucks too.
You know what else sucks? This mopey-dopey mood has been tapdancing on top of my writers block so I haven't written a THING... and I have already lost 2 subbers for one of my babies.
Haaaaaa just kidding I suck and kinda deserve losing subs considering I haven't updated in ages so lemme just sob into a tub of ice cream and call it a day, yea?
This random somewhat nonsensical rant was brought to you by a collaboration of Boredom and Existential Crisis.