I've done two open letters that I've shared on Mibba already in the past couple of months. I've wrote both of them to kill some demons that have been festering in my head about two different people. I will link those letters down below, but today, I'm here to do yet another to kill off some guilt and fear that I've been feeling.
To make a long story short, for the last six months of my relationship (November 2016 - April 2017), I was going around my ex-boyfriend's back to sleep with a former coworker of mine. I wrote about him in two poems called, But He Wasn't My Boyfriend and Cheater (You Used Me). While the poems are graphic in a nature, I revealed quite a bit about this toxic, "friends with benefits" relationship that this man and I shared. I also wrote about him a little bit in the open letter I posted here for my ex.
If you want even more details about this guy, who I'm going to be writing this letter to today (even though he will never see it), I also touched on what happened on the day that I quit my first job here and here Those links are excerpts from a journal I wrote while my current boyfriend was in rehab.
As always, I'm not here to slander the other person, I'm just trying to shed light to what they've done to me, how I'm not happy that it happened, and to kill off these awful thoughts that will allow me to move on in life.
Thank you for reading.
Other Open Letters
To the Girl that Broke My Boyfriend's Heart
To the Boy Whose Heart I Broke
To the Man I Cheated With:
Before you set your sights on me, we were coworkers for about four months. You had always asked me overly-sexual questions about my three and a half year (at the time) relationship and for some stupid reason, I always gave you answers. In all honestly, I think a part of you knew that I wasn't satisfied with my relationship, so when you gave me that offer, I took it with only some hesitation.
I didn't really know what I was getting into to be honest. Yes, I had cheated on that boy in the past, but all of that was online with words, photographs, and the occasional video call. Before you, I had never done anything in person, and well, I guess you got lucky that you got to take that from me.
I always hesitated for the first few times we met up within a two week span because I was nervous about what I was doing... I was doubting if I was doing the right thing, even though I knew that I wasn't. At the end of those two weeks though, the hesitation disappeared and we ended up meeting five times, one to two times a month until that April.
I'll admit to snitching and telling some coworkers about what was going on, but through them, I found out that I wasn't the only coworker in the time that you had been working there that you had gotten your hands on. The other one was a woman who was married and had two kids, another one on the way (from her husband, of course). They told me that was when you started working there though, but that was only six months prior to you choosing me.
I also heard from a little birdie that you had put your hands on another coworker during yours and her shift and when she reported you for sexual assault to our manager, the company swept it under the rug... all because you were one of two males in a female dominated shoe store.
When I met my current boyfriend, I cut all ties to you. I told you that our FWB thing that we had was done because one, I was tired of you always getting your way when we met up, and two, I no longer had an interest in cheating on my significant other because I found someone who knew how to treat me, who actually cared about me unlike my ex did that I used you to fill that void.
That didn't stop you though.
Less than a week after my boyfriend was checked into a rehabilitation facility, you asked to meet up with me once again. I had asked your intentions, and strung you along, making you think I was going to "hang out" with you because I knew that your ego was way too big. I also got the satisfaction of deflating your ego that day because, well, you weren't all that great when we previously met up, as in, your needs were always the one fulfilled by the time we had met up the third time, while mine were completely ignored.
You didn't like me doing that either.
My boyfriend had less than a week before he was being discharged from rehab when you decided to put your hands on me during work. You grabbed me inappropriately at our workplace, and you knew I wasn't going to report it because of the fact that I knew what had happened to the previous coworker who did report you.
You made me have a panic attack that evening that I didn't enjoy and I definitely wasn't looking forward to working with you the next day, which ultimately ended up being the day I quit without notice, but not without sharing the story in this letter first.
No, I didn't report you, but I took it a step further by telling my boyfriend what happened when he gave me one of his daily calls so we could update one another on how we were doing. He, without my knowledge, told his father, who then spoke to me about talking to you about the little mishap and I had never been more satisfied with the fact that he threatened to bring a nice police officer and an investigator down there if you ever tried any of that shit ever again.
And you had the audacity to tell me for the rest of my shift that I shouldn't be claiming that it was "sexual assault" and that "(you) never sexually assaulted (me)."
When our boss came in that evening to talk to me about the incident, I knew I was going to be fired for what happened since we were both on company time, and you in turn were threatened. I quit that evening for multiple reasons, but the assault was just one of many.
Since then, I've only seen you twice, and each time scares me more than the next.
Sadly, I wasn't expecting the day that I stopped at McDonald's in the same parking lot as the strip mall I work at, to hear your voice over the little intercom thing to take my order at the drive thru. I didn't recognize your voice until I pulled up to the window to pay and saw your face. The only thing you said to me was, "I thought you moved to (a place literally 45 mins away)."
And all I replied was, "Not yet."
How you found out about how and where I was supposed to be moving to this place beats me. The only place/people that it was mentioned was in the paper our former boss made me write the day I quit and my family.
The second time I saw you, you just took my money, gave me my change, and not a single word was explained between the two of us, even though I usually tell fast food workers at least a, "thank you."
So, why am I writing about you? Besides the fact I'm making it known that you're not the greatest person in the world?
I haven't set foot in that shoe store since I left in August. Why? Because I knew that after it coming to light that you sexually assaulted a female coworker again, you got to keep your job and worked there for another two months. That's along the list of other things that you've done, such as, stealing from the store, taking money from the drawer (which I was blamed for since they were training me; to note, I was taken off the register and never trained again), taking other people's sales and claiming them for yourself, and more or less, doing as little as possible and still getting paid.
With all this being said, I wish I had never taken that damned offer you had given me back well over a year ago now. You made my life more complicated than it needed to be, but hey, you're one of the main things that made me realize that I needed to drop the guy I was dating so I guess I can thank you for that one little thing.
Good riddance.
Kayla V
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