I figured it out.
I've been particularly irritable for about...Gee I don't know...Over two years.
And last night, I had a very eye opening dream that answered all my questions. Now you might scoff and say 'well that's stupid, dreams don't mean anything', well dreams have generally never led me astray. So I have no reason to assume this is any different.
I had the most mind blowing orgasm last night.
From a fucking dream. Are you kidding me?
Now why is this a big deal? I mean aside from the obvious, why would this explain anything to do with my mood? Well, because when I woke up, I felt amazing. I felt like I could walk on air. I felt so happy. From a dream. And once I realized it wasn't real, I got depressed. Like of course, I feel weird about the entire thing - It feels strange. But at the same time it makes so much sense.
I'm sexually frustrated, and it's killing my entire spirit.
Sure, I have sex. I mean, it's whatever. It's not terrible, it's good, but at the same time, I always feel like I'm never getting what I want out of it. It feels more like a chore than any actual fun.
I'm more than happy to sit down and read 100,000+ words of shameless dirty fan fiction, and yet when it comes down to it and I get asked for it, I sigh and just shrug and get on with it. And it's not because it's bad, it's because what happened in my dream...I never get that in real life.
I want someone to make me feel like I'm beautiful. I want someone to tell me what they want, to feel able to share all their fantasies with me - and I want them to listen to mine. I want someone to open themselves up to me, to give themselves to me, and I want to do the same, and not worry about how their gonna treat me afterwards.
I just don't get that. I'm sick of being told I'm weird, for literally the most pathetic of kinks.
I just...I want to be human again.
I'm not even going to begin to get into who my dream was with. Too many thought's Im not ready to deal with. Repression, Repression, Repression.
TLDR; Im angry coz I need a good fucking.
I've been particularly irritable for about...Gee I don't know...Over two years.
And last night, I had a very eye opening dream that answered all my questions. Now you might scoff and say 'well that's stupid, dreams don't mean anything', well dreams have generally never led me astray. So I have no reason to assume this is any different.
I had the most mind blowing orgasm last night.
From a fucking dream. Are you kidding me?
Now why is this a big deal? I mean aside from the obvious, why would this explain anything to do with my mood? Well, because when I woke up, I felt amazing. I felt like I could walk on air. I felt so happy. From a dream. And once I realized it wasn't real, I got depressed. Like of course, I feel weird about the entire thing - It feels strange. But at the same time it makes so much sense.
I'm sexually frustrated, and it's killing my entire spirit.
Sure, I have sex. I mean, it's whatever. It's not terrible, it's good, but at the same time, I always feel like I'm never getting what I want out of it. It feels more like a chore than any actual fun.
I'm more than happy to sit down and read 100,000+ words of shameless dirty fan fiction, and yet when it comes down to it and I get asked for it, I sigh and just shrug and get on with it. And it's not because it's bad, it's because what happened in my dream...I never get that in real life.
I want someone to make me feel like I'm beautiful. I want someone to tell me what they want, to feel able to share all their fantasies with me - and I want them to listen to mine. I want someone to open themselves up to me, to give themselves to me, and I want to do the same, and not worry about how their gonna treat me afterwards.
I just don't get that. I'm sick of being told I'm weird, for literally the most pathetic of kinks.
I just...I want to be human again.
I'm not even going to begin to get into who my dream was with. Too many thought's Im not ready to deal with. Repression, Repression, Repression.
TLDR; Im angry coz I need a good fucking.