Kill me.
Yeah that's right. I used a quote out of a novel. Kill me.
I fucked it all up.
I fuck everything up.
Maybe it's always going to be this way, maybe not, but one thing's for sure.
I. Fucked. It. Up.
I can't even bring myself to be angry about it. Like this is what I do. I destroy everything. I did exactly what I didn't want to do, I opened myself too much. I made myself too vulnerable and then I ran away. Everytime. Ugh fuck this. Why is my brain like this, why, why, why?!
You ever feel like your wasting someone's breath with every moment of your existence? Yeah. That. You ever feel like it's easier to go back to old habits, because you can't admit to yourself what you really want, because your too damn scared, and once those words are out, You can't go back?
It's just all too much. I don't know anymore. I don't know what's real. I mean, I know what I want. I know it, but I cant go with that. I just can't. It's bad enough being responsible for ruining your life, but others? I can't do that. Not this time. This is someone I can't hurt. I won't hurt them.
And I can't be someone else's burden again. Not again.
But I can't go back to how it was. So what happens next?
I guess...I learn to live with what I've done. I take what's coming to me, and try to move on.
Guess I'm incapable of what everyone thought. I'm not strong enough.
I know my natural path now. Withdraw, isolate, subtle moments of wavering happiness in the form of things I'll never have.
It's what people like me deserve.
Not. You.
No matter how much I wish it weren't true.
Fuck this. It hurts.
But better they think of me as a guilt tripping self loathing bitch than what I really am.
I'll be fine in the morning. Even if it's fake. I'll do anything to fix this...anything...
Yeah that's right. I used a quote out of a novel. Kill me.
I fucked it all up.
I fuck everything up.
Maybe it's always going to be this way, maybe not, but one thing's for sure.
I. Fucked. It. Up.
I can't even bring myself to be angry about it. Like this is what I do. I destroy everything. I did exactly what I didn't want to do, I opened myself too much. I made myself too vulnerable and then I ran away. Everytime. Ugh fuck this. Why is my brain like this, why, why, why?!
You ever feel like your wasting someone's breath with every moment of your existence? Yeah. That. You ever feel like it's easier to go back to old habits, because you can't admit to yourself what you really want, because your too damn scared, and once those words are out, You can't go back?
It's just all too much. I don't know anymore. I don't know what's real. I mean, I know what I want. I know it, but I cant go with that. I just can't. It's bad enough being responsible for ruining your life, but others? I can't do that. Not this time. This is someone I can't hurt. I won't hurt them.
And I can't be someone else's burden again. Not again.
But I can't go back to how it was. So what happens next?
I guess...I learn to live with what I've done. I take what's coming to me, and try to move on.
Guess I'm incapable of what everyone thought. I'm not strong enough.
I know my natural path now. Withdraw, isolate, subtle moments of wavering happiness in the form of things I'll never have.
It's what people like me deserve.
Not. You.
No matter how much I wish it weren't true.
Fuck this. It hurts.
But better they think of me as a guilt tripping self loathing bitch than what I really am.
I'll be fine in the morning. Even if it's fake. I'll do anything to fix this...anything...