Recently I decided it was time for me to let go of someone who was my best friend for 5 years.
It was a hard choice, and I tried letting go many times before but couldn't, because in all actuality, she was my only friend, when I had no one else she was the only person I knew I could go to when I was sad and lonely and having full of panic attacks, and sometimes she would be there to help me through it..
But for the most part, she wasn't there when I needed her, and that's when things started becoming more clearer.
We became instant friends.. I met her online through a mutual friend, she was 16 turning 17 but I was already 17, we're 6 months apart in age, and on her 17th birthday I flew from Pennsylvania and back to Florida where we live to meet her in person and celebrate her birthday with her and another mutual friend we had.
When we met in person it was apparent that we had tons in common, cause as someone who suffers with horrible social anxiety, I felt very "myself" around her, like I could be me and not put on a face for her, we laughed and partied and I even slept over, first night of meeting face to face, I slept over and from than on we were inseparable.
But as the years went on and we started getting older, I remained pretty much the same, but I could see the changes in her, she changed her personality more than she changed her clothes and that's saying something.
She started drinking and hanging out with the wrong crowd and felt they were more hip than me and those were the kinds of people she wanted to associate with.
I went from being the friend her parents loved because I got her AWAY from the bad crowds, to now not being able to stop her from doing what she pleased.
I didn't want to control her, she is her own person, I didn't wanna be that person who tried ordering around her every move and choices but she wasn't the same person I became best friends with, and at some point I got fed up.
We fought more than we got along.
She'd start blowing me off for other people to smoke and drink ( I don't smoke weed or do any of that so why would she wanna hang with me now)?
I don't have buckets of money to spend on her (She's a big moocher)
I don't have a car (She uses people to get places).
See how I'm not her "vibe" any longer?
Yet I always was there when she needed a shoulder.
She would run to me over anyone else when she'd get in fights with her family and needed a place to sleep over, I'd be the first to be like "Yes come over now".
All she cares about it materialistic things, not the actual meaning of friendship.
All I needed was a friend who actually cared about my feelings, which she stopped caring long ago, but it only took me until 2 weeks ago to finally let her go.
When she met a guy and two weeks in was choosing to move with him to another state when we had made those plans.. US TWO made those plans, but guys are more important than best friends. I was done, and she didn't like that.
Now here I am writing this because at the moment she's trying to snake her way back into my life to mess it up again and here's what I have to say to that.
Goodbye old friend, time for me to move on..
You're just too little too late. xx
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