Something Has to Give, Soon

Ive not posted on this in so long, mainly because ive been so busy. Why of which I will write about.
I only ever really write on here when somethings on my mind....

WORK
Ive been so busy with work, I own a private gym in Aberdeen and its busy, its going well. In my first year of business (2017) I turned over £30,000 and had a profit of around £10,000.... for any business, thats incredible, let alone a 22 year old guy who was still at University, Im very proud of that.

At the businesses peak, maybe this or next year, I expect a £50,000+ turnover with profits of £20,000+, bare in mind expense goes against turnover, fuel, clothes etc.... thing of profits as savings after expense. Its good.

I want to open a public gym too, the numbers work, and with a private gym already up and running the brand can already be recognised so it already has a head start. I would be very against doing it on my own though, and one of my former clients, Steve, has already said this is something he wants to work on with me. I will see him soon, so we will have a business chat.

If he invests then great. I will do most of the work, he pumps in a lot of the cash, wed be a great team.

A public gym and private gym sharing the same brand is something thats never been done, its a great idea, if it works in Aberdeen, a small city with scary competition, it will blow up everywhere else. Its exciting times.

A few problems with employees though paying rent, and Im getting to the stage where its almost like - f*ck them, if they think they can do better than sod off.
The numbers are exciting, and the financial side drives me, but I love my job, I love helping people, being around people. Its very satisfying.

LOVE LIFE
Its been non existent for a while. Ive been sleeping around, getting a taste of whats out there. But ive started talking and seeing this girl... shes nice. Ive never wanted someone this much in a very long time, maybe never before. But she has a boyfriend.
He doesnt seem nice, nor does he seem the smartest tool in the shed.
Probably why shes seeing me.... shes in an unhappy relationship and Im giving her a taste of happiness I think?? But its playing with my mind and heartstrings. Im not used to this, and above all I dislike being in limbo.

This week or next week I will give her an ultimatum of me or him, if its me, Im taking her away straight away. Ive been single for 4 years and if I end up with this girl shes in for a treat. Edinburgh and London, one or the other, maybe both.

She will trigger something though.

If she says yes to me then I will work 1000000x harder than I ever have before and my business will boom even more. If she says no I will want to move away even more than I already do which I think is impossible. I dont know what will happen, I want her, but we always end up wanting the things we cannot have.

Ive come to the conclusion with life that I dont think Im supposed to be happy, or allowed, however you look at it. If I was with someone I can bet you all my money I wouldnt be where I am now. But im ready for a relationship, Ive been ready for one for a few years but Ive not wanted anyone. The girl I want ends up to be in a relationship.... typical right?

LONELY LIFE
Life is lonely. Every day is the same. I wake up, work, go the gym, go to work, come home, work, sleep. x 6 days. Come Sunday Im f*cked and just relax. Im fed up of how life is.

I dont see any friends, theyve all moved away.
I miss my home and my family.
I miss my friends so much.
Above all I miss my Rose, my best friend and dog who passed away in January. Being lonely is fine when you have a dog like her to come home to. She died in my arms and I said that she was the only thing keeping me here. Since she passed away Ive been looking to move away and expand the business. Now we have a puppy, shes great, but shes not Rosie.

A relationship with this girl would make life perfect, and make me happy, but as Ive said above, I dont think Im supposed to be happy... not just yet anyway.

ANXIETY
I fight it every day.
It eats away at me. When its bad I can tell you what its like. Its like someone has thrown a blanket over you, this blanket is full of bad thoughts, doubt, insomnia, its horrible, and you can feel it.
This doesnt happen much, a few times a year.
Mild anxiety eats away at me every day, im always fighting a battle with my mind, its not disastrous and I went to the doctors about it recently. Mental health has a huge stigma over it.

Up until 20 you are invincible, after that, mental health becomes very real, and I for one will not not talk about it. I have CBT therapy soon. The anxiety if anything effects my sleep, something Ive struggled with my entire life. You learn to live with it, and I have.

BORED OF LIFE
Add all of the above together and life as you can guess isnt fantastic. Its boring. Im not the average person who lives at home and works a boring old 9-5 working life. I want the world, its why Im running a business when others would be terrified to. Im always looking to move forward, and at the moment Im stuck.
If the girl says yes, great. Then if Steve says yes, wow, you watch me go.
If the girl says yes, great. If Steve says no, then hell, I will give it a good crack.
If the girl says no, sh*t. Then if Steve says yes, again, wow, I will blow the market out of the water.
If the girl says no, and Steve says no, then even the thought of that makes me want to have a little tear. Im not one to get emotional and cry but that would make me have a little breakdown, two realistic potentialities that could make my life incredible and for them to both be no would hurt, a lot.

I stand my beliefs, everything is happening for a reason, and I pray that something good is around the corner.
May 13th, 2018 at 10:51pm