Welp

I have all these emotions and I can’t seem to control them ever. It’s like at the end of the day I love him so much and there is no way around to stop talking to him. It’s not the same as Devon when I just stopped talking to him and we simply stopped speaking. Or Louis when I just blocked him and we also just stopped speaking. It’s harder, I can’t seem to keep him blocked. I can’t seem to stop talking to him and it’s unfair. It’s almost like everything about him I fell in love with so deeply that I can’t let him go.

It also makes it harder because we see each other. It was easier cus Devon moved and same with Luis. So it was easier to say I don’t care anymore, and I stopped caring completely. I also don't think I loved them...I think I thought I loved them but I didn't.

He doesn’t understand how much it hurts me....he doesn’t get it. And when I try to let him go completely he doesn’t let me. It’s almost like we both need each other in our lives but I need him more than he needs me.

Or he doesn’t need me at all.

And I just need him.

I truly hate everything about myself and everything I’ve become because this just isn’t fair to me. Like I’ve been this person who can completely give my all to people and give them everything and yet still.

I’m not enough....

why am I not enough.
May 23rd, 2018 at 03:06am