Don't You Get Lost in Nostalgia

This time of year carries such an odd feeling for me, I think it always has. The fog drooping lazily across the mountains, chilly winds bringing many goosebumps and a much-needed break from the heat. The smell of cinnamon and cider filling the air anywhere you go. Beginning to hear leaves crunch beneath your boots as you walk.

Fall had always been my favorite season, (Especially since I've put on a few pounds and can now hide it with cozy sweaters and sweatshirts.) but this season feels off. To be fair it has just begun, this is the first day that the sun seems to be making no appearances anytime soon. It just gives me such nostalgia. 

I hate that I'm even using the word nostalgia for this. In my rational mind, I know this isn't nostalgia. It's some sick and twisted, mangled up and glued back together version of my memories. It's a romanticized version. I don't actually crave the feelings I had back then, I don't wish I could go back. But this romanticized version seems so rose-y and wonderful. 

Two years ago I moved away to college. I packed up most of my things and traveled 400 miles away straight out of high school to this school in the desert. Some things were good of course. Nothing is all bad. But a great majority of the events that transpired there were life-changing and negative. And I know, you should take every mistake as a lesson, and I learned some incredibly valuable lessons through it all, but ultimately I regret a  lot of it. I wish I could've gone back just to not make two or three of the same decisions. I would've been so much happier, and maybe even stayed up there for the remainder of my degree had I not gotten in with some of the people I did. 

I try and look at the silver lining though; had I not made those mistakes and made myself miserable enough to leave, I most likely wouldn't be on the career path I'm on today. I wouldn't have figured out what I want to do yet. 

It's all so conflicting to think about. I think maybe I need to plan a trip back there to remind myself its not all roses, there were a lot of thorns.