Light at the End of the Tunnel

After what seems like a long, hard slog I'm starting to see light at the end of the tunnel. Back in 2016 I had a truly awful year which left me exhausted, anxious and questioning my existence. I'd had an unfortunate series of family problems, a period of homelessness, a battle with anxiety and depression, a poorly paid, high stress job which worsened said conditions and to top it off, it all left me questioning my existence. Sad to say I honestly thought about just vanishing at one point everything just got too much for me.

I can't lie and say everything is perfect now, I have to accept that anxiety will be part of me now, I have times where my anxiety is high and others where I feel normal, I have cut a lot of people out of my life for the better and now I've actually got myself on a career path.

I've decided to go back to uni to pursue a masters degree, at the end of my course I have hopes to work in either publishing, archives or digital marketing, I'm learning to drive and I'm also putting down money so that hopefully by the end of the course or at least a little while after my course finishes I can move out of my awful hometown.

I just need a fresh start away from everyone, since finishing uni the first time around it's been hard, constantly listening to people questioning my intelligence, why I bothered going to uni and even the jobs I've had to take to support myself.. it gets you down, and I am certain that these behaviours contributed to the mental health issues I'd suffered from.

But the best thing is I'm starting to see people for who they really are, as I mentioned above I went through some pretty bad issues with family and it really has opened my eyes towards what we put up with and excuse and defend all in the name of blood. I've realised just because you share the same surname or bloodline with an individual it doesn't guarantee loyalty, and in the same breath someone you've known for years can easily turn and stab you in the back (then have the nerve to ask why you're bleeding)

Sad to say despite all this happening in 2016, now in 2018 I can feel myself beginning to heal, it's going to take some time, and if I'm honest I doubt I'll ever be like the old me, but that's okay. For now I'm just focusing on myself and getting myself into the best head-space and the best career space possible.

It feels good getting this off my chest, I hope everyone else is well :)