Missing My Dad and Relationship Problems (Advice Needed)

I know that not many people really read this stuff but I needed an outlet and this is where I feel safe and completely forward at the same time. I probably won't get advice but I need to do this. Maybe someone out there can help or just relate. So I'll start with my dad, because that seems simplest and something I understand. I miss my dad. He died on 12/22/15. So it is coming up on his third anniversary this month. I have felt like crying everyday because that is all I think about, is old memories I have from him, his dog lucky, the little pair of converse he got him to wear, how we always ended up at the hamburger stand, him riding his bike around town, walking in the river to regal in the rain. Cooking out with him because he was just the best at making BBQ chicken. I miss it all. But every time I think about all that it always brings the thought that it will never happen again. I will never get to see him. The closest I get to hearing his voice again would be my brother imitating him. Even that hurts me though. I have photos of him but I sadly can't find the ones with me and him. They tell you to only think about the good parts because they outweigh the bad, and it's true they do. Expect there is one so strong I will never be able to forget, and that is the day we took him off the machine, when they took us all in a room and told us there was nothing else they could do for him. Standing there holding his hand and just crying because he was leaving me. He wasn't able to meet my son, my dad loved his grandkids so much. He do anything for the people he loved. The only real comfort I get is knowing some how some way he is with us, taking care of us and making sure we are safe. I lose sight of that a lot of the times. My sister always has to remind me. When he first died and I went back to school one of the monitors said to me "I know everyone says it gets easier, but honestly it doesn't" and I felt that. It hasn't gotten easier, it doesn't hurt less, and it hasn't stopped for a second. I have just learned to live with the hurt I feel every day. And I do try to not think about it some days and it works a bit but this month a lot has been going on and it hasn't been as easy. I know it's because its the anniversary month. Okay, I cried well typing this and I just feel empty now. So I am going to move to the next subject before I totally lose my shit. And that is problems I have been having in my relationship. I believe I posted something else about it relationships on here. But the thing bothering me this time is that he has these xbox friends, they've been friends for like 10 years or something. (we've only been dating four) anyway they like started contacting over Facebook and I wasn't like bothered by it at first because well they are both all the way in Canada. I started getting bothered by it when they started saying things like " I wanna have your babies" and "be my baby daddy" knowing him and I have a kid. So can like you see why this bothered me so much? He was going along with it and that is why it really got to me. I know it isn't just the girls fault. It's his too. I wanted to talk to him about it. But instead my crazy girlfriend side took the wheel. (every girlfriend has a crazy side, don't deny it) I logged into his Facebook and blocked them. Of course he unblocked them. I knew he knew I knew. Anyway I started to just like read their conversations and it got annoying so today I sent her a message saying "he only messages you when he gets drunk, (he has kind of been drinking more than usual lately) I did not include this) I am the one blocking you. I don't know how you would feel if when we are trying to spend time together and some other girl keeps calling and messaging your boyfriend and saying the things you say. but I don't like it or appreciate it." She just took it as a joke. So anyway I deleted it and he figured it out. I want to talk about it. But the thing that bothers me the most is because I did bring it up the other night and I told him I didn't like it but he went and told the girl that I said I didn't care. I TOLD HIM I DIDN'T LIKE IT!! For some of you with normal relationships will think that it means he doesn't care about my feelings, and your right its disrespectful. I shouldn't have to tell him constantly that I don't like it. I should leave and just move on. We have a family and we are both young. Having my family together is the most important thing in my life because I wasn't able to see my dad when I was young. And that hurt. It made me hold some anger towards my mother. I am not saying if we were to break up that I would keep our child away from him but having your parents both there is something that I wish I had. I love him. I love everything about him expect for the fact that he doesn't like to listen. About anything. I love that even when we are mad at each other and he goes out he always still brought me something back. I love that when he's anger about something all you have to do is try and make him laugh and he smiles. I love that he likes to be cuddled even when I am a thousand degrees. I love that he plans out our future and our tiny homes. I love that he gets a sudden urge to just change around the room because I love to clean. (except dishes) I love that he is there for our child, that he gives kisses to us before he leaves. That like whole paragraph is just like a sonnet to him. anyway. As you can see I don't want to break up about something that is so stupid. And could be solved like the other problems in our relationship if we were to just talk. I plan on doing so. I just want to talk I don't want to yell or get angry. I want to talk. I should just send him all this and let him come to me but he always misinterprets things. Maybe I'm not as clear in my writing as I think I am. Anyway I am going to try and attempt to talk to him about it all and hopefully not chicken out again. (I have tried to do it earlier) wasn't a success. Wish me luck! And if you have advice for me on anything in this blog please message me, cause I need it.

Thank you for letting me rant, and listening to me, if you made it to the end.