Phases of Life?

I’m noticing for every phase of my life at some point or another when I am at some point of desperation I end up making a post here, just because I am going to utterly insane and have no one else to turn to..

This one is more to—let me back track. Every couple of months I log back on here to just see my blog posts and see what was going on in that moment of my life.

I have a boyfriend now, and it has been horrible.

Why? Why are all the encounters I have with men so awful? Lmao. It’s just sad at this point. I’m pretty miserable, (so why don’t you just leave?)

The cliche, I love him, I think he will change blah blah. I know I sound like a stupid b*tch. Are we allowed to curse on these blog posts? I don’t remember, last I remember as long as you censor yourself you can.

Truth I don’t want to admit to myself: He is not the one, and I need to leave him and stop wasting my time because he will never marry me, the way that I want him to, and he does not understand me the way that I want him to and that is something that can not be changed despite how much I tell myself that anything is possible. And I need to knock it off, and just man up and take the pain of possibly seeing him with someone else…

Reality of what is happening: I am making myself go absolutely insane, trying to make myself make sense to someone else, when he has no idea what is going on.

I want someone who understands me, who was brought up here.