Band was awful today. Our regular teacher was gone, so we had the woman who teaches the other bands. I had her last year, and I'd forgotten just how much I hated her. She's a total jerk who quite literally insults everything we play. Like "You sound disgusting." or "Sigh. I can't believe I have to teach you." I'm not asking her to sugar coat it. But when she complains and sulks and groans and insults us instead of just correcting us, it pisses me off. This, combined with the fact that I am now ninth out of ten chairs, does not make me happy to be in band right now.
Normally I wouldn't sulk over something like chair position. But all my friends are third chair or higher, and they're all practically geniuses to the point where they get letters from university and stuff. Myself, I am one test away from failing math. I lie about practicing my clarinet. I cram for every test. In math homework I get about sixty percent of the questions wrong. I feel like a f**king idiot who doesn't deserve to be in all honors, you know? It's just plain, I can't do this. There. I said it. I truly can't. I feel like I've reached a certain level, and everyone else keeps climbing, but I just can't. I'm stuck. Maybe there's a glitch in my brain or something. I don't know. But this just really sucks right now. And I'm only a third of the way through the year.
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