Two Years and Returning Home

Today makes two years that I lost my momma. I haven't been back to West Virginia since I left a few months after watching her body slowly giving up the fight to defeat cancer. I made the decision to come back for a visit and realize this was probably the worst weekend to come down here. Nothing feels right and I was ready to come home within minutes of getting here. I drove by her old house and couldn't even bring myself to look at it and went to the places we had gone when she was alive. I want to do more of the things we did this weekend to remember her but I'm not sure how I will hold up. This is probably one of the worst times of my life and I feel depressed and my emotions are all over the board since her passing. I don't know if I will manage this weekend without at least one more break down. I couldn't even go into the two stores we always went too and refused to even consider going to the park for a picnic like we did the three years I lived down here on the first nice day after winter. It was hard going to the restaurant where we both worked at certain points in our lives, staying in the hotel I'm at because we had stayed here a few times with her and even going into Walmart where she had worked and everyone knew her and still knows her. Even talking to my friends that loved her and that she loved in return was hard. They all called her mom too and she was never shy about treating them like they were one of her own. I'm going to try and do better tomorrow and felt like maybe writing this all down would help me with my emotions but I'm fighting back the urge to cry. I know it is normal to always miss your mom but it seems like it only gets worse instead of better as more time passes. Just keep me in your prayers as I try to enjoy the rest of my weekend. Thank you for taking the time to read this even if it doesn't really make much sense because I'm all over the place right now.
March 16th, 2019 at 04:17am