I'm Having Issues

Do you guys ever get triggered so hard that you just go spiraling back down into that pit of negativity that you worked so hard to get out of?

I've actually been in and out of it a few times and I thought I was finally getting past it, but here we are again. Only this time, I'm feeling kind of hysterical and I want to piss people off just so they can shit talk me and tell me about how I"m such a shitty person.

So, I've been sitting in my room for three hours, watching youtube in an effort to not do anything harmful to myself.

I considered cutting, but honestly, I'm such a wimp when it comes to pain. I'm blessed to be able to tolerate my tattoos.

I also considered drinking, since we have like five bottles of strong wine and some St. Germain, but then...I want to have kids, so I don't want to shit all over my organs. I'll also end up feeling like hot shit boiling in acid, so I won't go down that path.

And here I am. Deciding I'll say hi to you all before I write all my feelings and problems down in my journal while I watch Lord of the Rings.

I don't hate myself and I don't want to hate myself, but.......it's hard to NOT feel this way atm, soooooo

Yay.

I hope you guys have a better start to your week.
May 6th, 2019 at 03:42am