Let Go of Toxic Friendships, It's for the Best.

Ya know, the weird thing about all of this is, sometimes I want to. Sometimes I wanna believe that you're a better person than you were last time we spoke. But I know better.. I KNOW nothing has changed, I can just tell by the way you approach me after all this time. I can't let it happen anymore. Yes, sometimes it pains me, I let you go when I was feeling low, and maybe that wasn't a good idea, but now looking back, I'm at a higher point in my life without you. I'm sorry. I don't even know why I'm sorry, but I am.

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Losing friendships is always difficult, especially when that person has been in your life for 5+ years. But sometimes you gotta let it go. Even if you feel like it's not the right time. Cos honestly, is there ever a right time to let someone go? When you know it's toxic, when you know nothing good is coming out of it anymore, than what are you supposed to do? I know it makes me feel HORRIBLE letting a friend go that I once called my sister, now I can barely stand to look at her, and sometimes I feel bad about it, but I know in the end it was for the best. This person has betrayed my trust so many times, and so many times I went back to her and forgave her and gave her 1000 chances, it was almost like I was breaking up with a gf/bf. It was bringing me down all the time, even my own family was noticing how toxic our friendship was, even to the point where my mother couldn't stand being around her anymore, and she normally loves all of my friends. But this one.. Hah, this one was different. Talk about selfish and everything being all about her. It was too much for me, and we had so much differences.

But opposites attract right?
Yes, but.. Not all opposites. Not this one anyhow.

We eventually grew apart, and I knew it was coming, the older we got the more I saw how different she became, it was more of a party lifestyle for her, as for me I was always laid back and wanted to keep to myself. I guess you could say, Extroverts and Introverts do NOT attract in my world.
As hard as it may be, life has a funny way of bringing people into your life, only to rip them away in the end. As a life lesson? Sure, but does it still hurt like a b*tch sometimes? Absolutely.

I tried.. I really tried. I tried to do something, and it wasn't my place to do it but I tried. I tried changing her back to the person I once knew. I was being so selfish, I didn't want her getting mixed up in the wrong crowd and I wanted her to be the good person I became best friends with, and maybe some of the reason we drifted was because of that, but I tried to make her better, but I couldn't. I wasn't her best friend anymore. She was mine, but I was just another number on her list of people to screw over and mooch from, and for many years, dammit I let her mooch off me. I let her use me, cos I was lonely and she was all I had in life. We did everything together. It was hard. I had no choice but to cut ties. No warning, no message, no phone call. I stopped talking to her right before New Years. Haven't spoken since.

But here she comes today, messaging me as if nothing happened, as if we're just gonna magically be bff's again because everyone else left her, and she knows I'm the only one who was ever there to support her and cared about her with my whole being.

I know I'm ranting. But this is a blog. I intend on pouring my emotions into my blogs and poems, that is how I let off steam and I wanted to share my experience with toxic friends cos I know I'm not alone.