No Idea Where This Will Go.

I’ve kind of disappeared and I swear I didn’t mean to. Everything in life has gotten so crazy and I’m trying to figure things out. I’ve been in a bit of a funk lately, between not wanting to go to work and not wanting to be around my boyfriend anymore I haven’t been in such a great place.

I love my job, I really do. I get to take care of people and it’s something I enjoy. It’s just that lately anytime I think about the fact that I have to go in, my stomach starts turning and I start panicking about what the night will hold for me. The entire drive to work, my stomach feels like it’s doing flips and I feel like I’m going to vomit.

Now, my boyfriend and I have been together for almost five years. We have a three year old daughter and a six month old son. I love my kids more than anything, but there are some days I wish I had never met my boyfriend. I wish I would have listened to everyone else and saw the red flags for myself before I got in so deep.

He was amazing, sweet, caring, funny, and really great to be around. Suddenly, he started having these episodes and would blow up out of nowhere. It only happened every few months, until it started happening more frequently. He’s hidden my keys so I couldn’t leave and my phone so I couldn’t call someone to come get myself and our daughter.

It’s only gotten worse and I’m at the point where I’m happiest when he’s at work. I’m getting my things in order and getting up the nerve to leave. I don’t know when, but it’s coming.

I’m working on myself now, I need to be happy and to be there for my kids. I want to get back to the things I love doing, so if we have a roleplay and I haven’t replied, I’ll be starting those replies soon. Sorry for the rant, but it was desperately needed.