dear 13 year old me.

hello, mibba! it's literally been 10 years since the last story i posted on here, haha. how time flies.

i'm 25 now. in some ways, i've changed a lot from 13-15 year old me; in other ways, i'm still exactly the same.

i am still binge watching anime, getting obsessed over yaoi and shoujo, playing harvest moon, in love with soft toys, don't know what long-term career plan looks like... the list goes on.

i'm amazed that mibba's kept all our old stories here even though it's been at least a decade - thank you, mibba, as i didn't have any of my old writings stored anywhere (i'm saving them all now!). it's like a time capsule! feels super nostalgic and strange to be reading all the silly stories my awkward teenager self poured my heart and soul to back then. all the heartwarming comments i gave and received. all the cringey emojis i used, hah.

in that spirit, i thought i'd drop this little note here; a letter to my 13-15 year old self. of course, my 13-15 year old self would never read this hahah, but how cool would that be. don't know how long mibba is going to stay alive either tbh :s, i doubt my profile will still be here when i'm 35 but heh only time will tell.


dear 13-15 year old me,

stop being so hard on yourself. well, i know you have high standards and you genuinely think your work is pretty trash, and maybe it kind of is HAHA, but still, some of the things you write are better than anything i could come up with now unfortunately (sad realisation that i am regressing).

i'm not asking you to lower your standards, but man. man. i wish you'd be less hard on yourself so that you could have more fun doing the things you loved.

i know that when readers were like "omg what's going onnn, i need to know!! please update!!", the truth is, you don't know either LOL. you never have a plan when you write anything, you just write random stuff out of thin air, and that's why you always get writers-blocked; you just write vague things while trying to sound cool, such that the mystery that keeps the readers in suspense is a mystery to you too. :p whoops, hahaha. (although to be fair, perhaps you haven't realised yet that actual story-writing requires planning hahahaha)

but even so, just write! write whatever comes to mind on the spot. so what if there are plot holes and nothing makes sense (isn't that going to come naturally with co-writing without co-planning anyway? it's not like you're planning to publish a book now right?). haha. you love writing one-shots because they're no commitment. you try to enter contests and get co-authors for inspiration -- which works to some extent -- but when it comes to co-authoring, you never manage to bring yourself to write more than 3 chapters.

it's not that you're writers-blocked. it's not that you're busy. it's that you always try to put your very best into every chapter you write, you put so much pressure on yourself, even when you release something you're like "it's awful but it's the best i could do >.<". sigh. stop doing that, and spend more time just *enjoying* writing these silly stories! it's okay if you think they suck, as long as you had *fun* writing them! stop being obsessed with exams and grades because they genuinely don't matter at all within 1-2 years.

stop being so responsible and perfectionist, and start trying to just have more fun! :)

10 years down the line, you'll be binge-watching anime that you put off for years because you needed to focus on your studies-- instead of being a responsible adult doing actual work (whoops). but that's okay because maybe we won't get the chance to have this much fun 10 years down the line so, we'd better make up for it now! :D (yes i'm making excuses for procrastinating my adult responsibilities, although i've now convinced myself that they are indeed valid??..... hehe, seems like i was more of an adult 10 years ago than i am now)

though i don't get the same enjoyment you do from some of the things you do, so i really wish you'd just have more fun doing them now. so that today, i'd be able to look back and be proud of you for having all that fun.

i'm still proud of you though. the stories you poured your heart into, as cringey as some of them may be :p, are making me grin ear-to-ear. i can only hope the things i do today will let 35 year-old us feel the same way.

your 25 year-old self (who's really just a teenager trapped in an adult body- although to be fair we haven't grown much at all so we can still pass for a teen hahah)
August 30th, 2020 at 01:31am