2020 Reflection + 2021 Resolutions

Kinda love that every year I continue to make these even though I'm never on Mibba anymore. I do write behind the scenes but it's been a time.

It feels kind of stupid to reflect on 2020 and its resolutions considering the year we've had, but thankfully in my lil ol' city, we've managed to not acquire any local cases of covid for about 2 months now (Melbourne, Australia, if you were wondering). So life is relatively back to normal but we've been slowly been opening up and masks are still mandatory on public transport and in shopping centres, and you must be carrying a mask at all times. Not that everyone follows these rules but I can't be too mad when we've literally spent 10 months in hard lockdown. Like, don't leave within 5km unless for emergencies / work related reasons kind of difficult.

Corona aside and the mental battle that that was, I managed to accomplish some things of my own. For one, I left my old job (read: my department became redundant) and although there was opportunity to be deployed within the organisation, I took a 6 month contract that is not in my field, but the step I wanted to take to come closer to my field. For privacy reasons I can't be too specific, but I'm mostly happy with where I am at on that front.

Since we were in hard lockdown for the time I got the new job and then subsequently received an 18 month contract with new job, I managed to save enough to put a deposit down on a house, and now I can say at 25 I am in so much debt it's great. Not that I'm complaining - I feel appreciative to be in the position I'm in. The location is further from the city so it's not ideal as I work in the city, but it's a two storey townhouse that overlooks a gorgeous wetlanded area in a currently being built neighbourhood. I'm excited to move out, to call a place my own, not excited for the responsibility but once I have roommates I think I'll be able to manage a lot easier.

On a personal note, before lockdown and in between our first and second lockdown where we had 6 weeks of freedom, I was being a mad ho. Since then, I've come to discover my relationship / trust / self-esteem issues and have really been working on being able to express my emotions more freely, being able to trust and rely on the support of my friends, using meditation techniques to guide my emotions, etc. I'm a work in progress and have started to look into therapy to begin next year (I wanted to get my budget sorted before I took the financial steps to work on me).

The therapy was triggered by someone who I became trauma bonded with - or in simple terms, had a 6 week intense relationship with that has now ended. I think of him and I'm anxious, but knowing he is blocked on all my socials makes me feel at ease. I think of our potential and what we could have been to each other, but I also acknowledge that the energy I use to think about it is wasted. It sucked, because I really liked him and it felt mutual, but I also know that crying every day is not normal, either.

I also got into astrology more so than previous years, learned how to cook and I can whip up a decent Thai chicken green curry, if I do say so myself. I gained weight but being back at gym has made me appreciate it so much more. I can feel my back and upper stomach looking lean, and my pancake ass filling out slowly. I'll take the little wins. I discovered a love of painting and I got back into writing, finally winning my first nano.

2020 for me was a growth year. I don't think, if it wasn't for the pandemic, would I have had these realisations for myself and grown as much as I have. I am aware that this is just the beginning, and I have so much more to learn before I realise full self-actualisation, but for now I am proud of me, for how far I've come and how much further I'll go. I have so much potential, and it would be a waste to let that slide.

So with that reflection out of the way, these were my 2020 resolutions:


1) Create a meal prep each week with number of calories to hit and try your very best to stick to it – yeah this didn’t work out, and neither did #2

2) Create a work out plan and stick to this also. Don’t push yourself too hard, but be aware that you can do more than what you think you can.

3) Secure a full time job in your field. – I didn’t secure in my specific field, but I did in the sense of location. So I’ll take this minor win as I acknowledge getting into my field is incredibly difficult

4) No boyfriends until you get your shit sorted. (Note to me: I know this one kinda sucks since you want a boyfriend, but you have priorities and men will only get your way. Trust yourself.) – this happened, not necessarily by choice but it did so there’s a win I suppose

5) No more traffic fines!!!! – I copped one, oops

6) Limit concerts / festivals to those you’ll get mad FOMO for if you don’t attend. I promise you, you don’t need to attend every event out there. – easy to do when there’s no festivals on atm HAHA, but I definitely think I’ve been successful in this, especially as they begin to come back for 2021

7) Write 100k words this year. It’s definitely more than achievable considering people can write 50k in a month but considering the relationship or rather, lack thereof I’ve had with writing this year, I should be able to accomplish this easily. – this was a big task considering I hadn’t written consistently in a long time but I think I reached around 70-80k and I’m happy with that, honestly

8) Master the use of chopsticks. – I think I’m getting better!

9) Bake cookies from scratch. – accomplished!

10) Write a list of everything you’ve accomplished and when you’re feeling low, tell yourself to re-read that list. You are capable of so much more but by not believing in yourself, you limit yourself to the opportunities out there. BE. THAT. HO. – yeah I didn’t do this either but I really should

2021 Resolutions

1) When there is a job available for something you are after, give yourself at least a week to tailor an application suitable to the role. There is no point applying if you are going to half-ass an application

2) Make time to write, and do it consistently (30 mins of writing a day, 3 x a week / 5000 words a week)

3) Make yourself that dedicated budget and stick to it

4) Save getting belligerently drunk to once a month (and by this I mean I know you like to party, Alex, but you need to cool it $$$ wise)

5) Limit buying lunch / food in the office to once a week

6) Journal weekly, daily if you can but be consistent in exploring how you feel – even if there is nothing you feel that is significant to report. Everything you feel is both significant and valid

7) Chocolate is not self-care

8) Let’s really try to stick to 4x workouts a week!! PS sex is not a workout so don’t even try to make this an excuse should you decide to have sex again

9) Affirmations!!!!! Also, try to find a habit a month to accomplish.

I feel like these are kind of vague but they work for me. Also. Definitely feel like 2021 will be my year since I was born on the 21st Feb so like, how can it not be my year, y'know?
On the other hand, I'm turning 26. Let's not talk about that xx
December 28th, 2020 at 01:31pm