I Want Them All to Know What Really Happened so I'm Not Alone Anymore

To anyone who reads this, this is for someone who hurt me really bad, please don't think I'm a teenie for this, but he was my first love and he hurt me.

M.L.,

The moment I saw him, I thought, "wow, this is the one, I'm ready to just jump." and I did.
The moment I saw him, the minute our eyes met, we connected, I focused in and stayed there. I never returned. He fooled me into following him, I went voluntarily, I knew ther was something there. Well we were introduced to each other, and began talking. He had the same lifestyle I did, divorced parents, deadbeat father, we were both really into music and writing, I can't tell you how many lines I could think of just by looking into those deep chocolate eyes. He would look at me, meeting my green eyes, and would instantly turn breathless, he would start tripping all over himself and forget everything he was saying. We would even sneak off to his aunts backyard (that's wre we met and hung out all summer), which was a field really, and have these deep and meaningful talks about things that would worry us, or just our hopes and dreams, corny I know, but we had that old-fashioned realtionship that almost no one ever had. It was invincible. so it went on like this every weekend for four months, well really a year, but we didn't start really communicating until that March. I would say around July, he told me that I meant much more than words could ever say and he had never felt this way about anyone ever before, I wasn't shocked, but flattered, but then I did a bastard of a thing and took that he meant that I was a sister to him and didn't take him seriously. Well he continued to flirt and persue me all that year, until about new Years Eve, he told me he loved me, but thinking back in July he meant that I was a sister to him, I crushed him with silence. He didn't speak to me again. The truth was that I loved him more than he probably ever could, and that he was my absolute life. I could talk to him about nothing but to him it would mean everything, so why didn't I tell him and be with him? Because I was afraid that I would lose him jsut like everything good I had lost before. But what was done, was done. That was the last I saw him.

It wasn't until this August that I was cleaning my room when I came across a cardboard box. In it were all the things between us, notes, poems, a bracelet he'd given me, and at the very bottom...a number. I called him the next day to find that long after New Years Eve he pined for me, carried around the phone waiting for mycall forfive months, then it hit him I didn't love him enough to take him as he was, he'd hurt and ached and then he got angry, and moved on. Though he said I remained in the back of his mind. I confessed all the things I'd hidden, he cried, I did also, there were many years we had spent together four to be exact hip to hip inseperable so the reunion was magnificent. Then accepting the fact that we both had other people, for me one close boy, and him close friends that were girls. He said we could be friends, but he would never forget our time well wasted.

I have moved on, but every now and then we talk and somehow we drift back but we promise to be just friends. There really is no point to writing this but I just needed to get it off my chest.

love, your Lauren (a.k.a. Cat)